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Matthew Croke

A Dog Eat Dog World

Posted on: February 26, 2012 | Posted by: Matthew Croke

Who do I complain to about the discrepancy of dog years compared to human years?  I want to know the person in charge who came up with the math of 7 years of a dog’s life is equal to 1 year of a human’s life.  I’m confused by acceleration of dog time; I’ve watched a dog for an entire day.  He gets up, goes outside to the bathroom –…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting

Spider Cracks

Posted on: February 19, 2012 | Posted by: Matthew Croke

It’s almost midnight and she lies in a hospital bed at the all-too-familiar emergency room.  Tears emerge as the nurse pushes the needle into her arm – in order to find a “good” vain for the IV.  This is the nurse’s second attempt, the first one only producing a puncture that will be sore for days. I stand hopeless next to the bed,…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting

Remembrance Candle

Posted on: February 12, 2012 | Posted by: Matthew Croke

I know the holidays are way over, but I wanted to share a Christmas experience I had with my children, when we lit a candle in remembrance of Lisa. The monthly grief group my girls and I attend has a holiday service where the family lights a candle for the person we are remembering.  Our family was not able to make the event this year, but a one…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Holidays

I Don’t Like Broccoli

Posted on: November 27, 2011 | Posted by: Matthew Croke

I’m thinking about getting a second family, one with a wife and kids.  I could take out an ad in a newspaper, “Man looking for wife and kids to help him figure out his own children.  Family must know man and his three children will live in another house.”  That should get me married in less than two weeks.Why, do you ask, am I going all…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Miscellaneous

The Closer

Posted on: September 18, 2011 | Posted by: Matthew Croke

I want to be a closer in baseball. Or at least I want to think like one.  I was watching a game on TV and one of the best closers in baseball gave up back to back home runs and his team lost the game.  The next night he gets another chance to close out the game. This time: he walks the first batter, hits the second batter, and the third batter…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Miscellaneous

World’s Best Husband

Posted on: September 2, 2011 | Posted by: Matthew Croke

I was at Denny’s restaurant on my lunch break, enjoying a turkey club sandwich, an iced tea, and reading the newspaper. Sitting in a booth by myself, still having another 35 minutes to go on my break, and kids away at school miles away from where I work.  I was in a peaceful state.  That’s when I heard it from the booth behind me.“Mike has…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Emotions

Flooding

Posted on: August 14, 2011 | Posted by: Matthew Croke

I hate to think I need bad stuff to happen to put life in perspective.  Haven’t I already tortured myself enough, trying to understand painful life lessons after my wife’s passing?  After three years, haven’t I come out on the other side a better person?On the three year anniversary of Lisa’s passing, my parent’s basement flooded due to…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Miscellaneous

The Positive Side of Awful

Posted on: January 23, 2011 | Posted by: Matthew Croke

I hate that I have learned so much, and have become a better person, because of Lisa’s death. And I am not patting myself on the back, I truly hate that I am better and have learned so much because of her death. I want her back more than ever so I can show her how much better I am. We would have a better marriage, because I now understand the…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Miscellaneous

Losing the Memories

Posted on: October 17, 2010 | Posted by: Matthew Croke

There are many challenges associated with grief and loss that I expected, but I didn’t expect this one. On Lisa’s birthday, I found myself thinking about her and thinking about us. As I reflected, I realized that I hadn’t been thinking about her as often. I wouldn’t say it’s been a long while, but in terms of the time between reflections I…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions

TMI?

Posted on: July 4, 2010 | Posted by: Matthew Croke

What do I tell the kids when they get older? Specifically, what do I tell Molly, the child Lisa carried in her womb while fighting cancer?Do I tell her that her mom’s cancer spread when she was pregnant? Even though the doctors said the cancer was estrogen negative and that didn’t affect the pregnancy. Do I still tell her? Do I tell her a…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Miscellaneous

Separate Worlds

Posted on: May 24, 2010 | Posted by: Matthew Croke

A friend of mine told me that his 99 year old Grandfather had just died, and that his wife who is also 99 years old is still living. She wondered how long the wife was going to live now that the husband is gone. “I’m sure it’s not the same for you, but you hear all the time with the elderly how quickly other one dies after the death of their…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Miscellaneous

Rebuilding

Posted on: March 19, 2010 | Posted by: Matthew Croke

My family began battling cancer in 2003 when my mother-in-law was diagnosed with colon cancer. Five years later my wife, who was pregnant with our third child, was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. Despite a valiant fight, cancer claimed the life of mother-in-law on April 18th and of my wife on July 23rd. I am now raising three girls all…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Multiple Losses, Miscellaneous

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