i decided to
tackle a package i got
from someone liz was very
close to during the young part of her
life in the mn.
it actually arrived on saturday.
i knew it was going to be a tough one
so i waited.

waited until i thought i
could handle it.
why i chose tuesday is
beyond me.
inside:
photos from a childhood
i didn’t know
along with a pendant
given to her by liz
when she was 13.
liz asked her to hold on to it
for safe keeping.
now it is madeline’s pendant.
someday she will wear it
until then, i’ll keep
it safe.
this was too much.
felt like i was going
to puke
or pass out.
had to go outside
and sit on the porch,
fresh air suppressing the vomit,
a chair keeping me from
falling to the ground
like a ton of shit.
luckily there was someone here with me,
to help me through,
to cry with me.
madeline slept through the
whole episode,
silent in her basket.
i hate this.
and i hated this day.
but i do love madeline.
and that helps.
a lot.