This particular blog is one I don’t plan on editing or changing in any way. It’s completely raw writing from the darkness of this night that I’m in. I came in off the road not quite a week ago, right before Thanksgiving. My PinkMagic trailer is parked outside my son’s house here in Arizona. He recently moved in with his girlfriend, soon to be…
widowed travels
The Road Well Traveled
My daughter and I are nearing the end of our 6 month road adventure. It will be the end of this particular segment of my Odyssey of Love. But it doesn’t end in Arizona when I drop her off. I’m going to take a one month break off the road, visit with my son and grand-daughter, meet my son’s girlfriend and her daughter (I’m really looking…
Secluded Paths
Maggie kept the beat in our relationship when it came to social engagements. She injected me into a lively social world that held me captive to weekends packed with activities, most of which were not optional. Now, without her overwhelming influence, I find myself woefully disengaged with what I think most people would consider normal life. We had…
Rose-scented Conversations
Language has changed for me in this time since Chuck died.I’m certain I’m not the only one who has heard people say “Your fillintheblank would want you to be happy”. Happy is one of the words that has changed for me. Happiness is a fleeting thing and I’m not concerned about being happy. Life is deeper than that for me now. I hope someday I…
My Parallel Universe
I’ve had a really tough few weeks. In some ways, it has almost felt like I’m right back at the start – crying from the moment I wake up without him in my bed until I pass out each night from exhaustion. Thankfully, it has lifted again in recent days but in the depth of this latest low I realised I was withdrawing from the people in my life in a…
What I Learned from a Visionary
I’ll be very blunt here. Christina Rasmussen, the visionary of Second Firsts, continues to help save my sanity by holding out hope. Her story helps me know that I just might get through this devastating grief brought into my soul by my beloved husband’s death. I personally don’t feel hope but I see the life she’s built after her husband’s…
No Offense Meant~Bless Your Heart
FWG. A term I made up myself and one that may or may not be offensive to people. Words are funny, aren’t they? My mom used to say that people are the ones who give power to words and I believe the same goes for those who hear the words. They receive it according to how they define the word. When people ask me what FWG means, I generally ask…
It Starts Soon
I watched a documentary last night about Custer and the Battle of Little Bighorn. Pretty heavy watching, you might think, and you’d be right for so many reasons. My husband and I shared a love for American history and traveled to so many National Parks over the 4 years we traveled as Happily Homeless. Little Bighorn in Montana was a powerful…
Walking Alone Together
I’m writing today to you from Hawaii. I came out for a few weeks to visit a friend on Oahu. This is the longest trip I’ve ever taken away from home since he died, and the first real vacation I’ve taken without him or his family being with me. Leaving the shelter of home has always made me a little antsy, but now instead of just the usual…
This Odyssey of Love
I’m down to my last month here in Phoenix, staying with our oldest son. On June 21 my daughter and I will hitch up my PinkMagic rig and head north and then west on our Nothin’ But Love cross-country tour. We could head directly west and then north along the California coastline. We could, but we won’t. Quite simply, I can’t. If we head…
Grief Rising. But Love, Too
Tomorrow my daughter Rachael-Grace and I leave on our 6 month Nothin’ But Love tour. It will be quite an experience for both of us, filled with every emotion of the alphabet as we honor and remember my husband/her dad, meet people along the way and hear their stories, offer workshops to women around the country and, well, who knows what else. …
Seeing Strength
Chuck’s first anniversary just passed. We had a remembrance for him and danced for the love he left behind for all of us. But I also needed, somehow, to mark this past year in a very personal way that was about me and who I am now and who I’m becoming. Who I want to be for the rest of my life. Thinking about it became a spiritual mediation…