Before Phil’s death, Thanksgiving Day was filled with gratitude for the gifts of the present. Then death changed my focus, and the past was were my heart longed to be.On my first widowed Thanksgiving Phil’s empty seat at the dinner table represented only my personal loss. Knowing he would never again sit bside me as we spoke aloud the things for…
widowed holidays
Thanksgiving
With the holidays upon us I started creating a list of things for our organization to make this time a more bearable one. I thought I’d share it with you all:The holidays have a way of magnifying our loss and can be a difficult and confusing time of year. “What to do? How to act? How to wake up and seize the day?” are just a few of the thoughts…
Mind Over Matter?
I used to believe in that phrase. After all, if you just tried hard enough, if you just had the right attitude, if you just pulled yourself up by your bootstraps …. your life would be better. Right? Well, this phrase worked for me until mid December of 2007.Then my life was shattered, along with my heart, and my life became “matter over mind”. …
When there are no thanks to be given
As any of us widows and widowers know, one of the most trying times of the Annual Widowed Calendar is upon us. It’s impossible to turn on the TV or walk into any store without having it crammed down our gagging, grieving throats: The holidays. That formerly joyous, happy, oblivious time of year where we got to focus on fun, holiday frivolity;…
Growing Pains
For Halloween this year each of my teenagers were occupied with their own pursuits. What used to be a kid focused holiday full of parental supervision, has become a mom on her own holiday hoping the kids are safe throughout the festive night. Though my boys were close by, I found myself sitting on the back of my car handing out candy at our Church…
The Value of a Friend (part One Million and One…)
These are the faces of a few of the women who celebrated 40 with me in Vegas… interestingly enough, all of them had read last week’s blog and were still brave enough to go! Thanks guys! I’m not usually as black as last week, and I think I stirred up a few worries with that post. It is what it is, and most of the people in my life get it, or at…
Put on a Happy Face (Part 1,439)
Yes, here we are once again…trying to put on a happy face. Tomorrow is my 40th birthday, and although I could care less about the fact of “40”, the birthday itself is hard. Not the 40 part, just the birthday. Four years ago I spent my birthday in the emergency room at MD Anderson, then in the outpatient surgery center, and as a celebration of the…
Why Me?
I will admit that I have uttered the phrase, “Why me?” on more than one occasion. I could follow that with the similar, “What did I do to deserve this?” or “Why is THAT person still alive while Phil is dead?” and a few others that are equally ugly. But the land of the ugly is where I resided for quite a while, and sometimes a place I still visit.
Happy 4th of July!
Today marks another holiday that truly puts into perspective just all that our husbands fought, loved and died for. I will not lie….Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day and 4th of July used to be holidays that seemed to melt together. Besides separate months, fireworks and parades, I truly never felt to full capacity what each really stood for and meant…
Teens Taking up the Slack – Sweet Sixteen.
It is Anneke’s ‘Sweet Sixteen’ today. On the one hand, I can’t really believe this day has arrived and her father is still gone. Like somehow, at some point he should have walked in the front door and with little fanfare saying “I’m back.” It has been 8 plus years. She has been without him longer than she had him. I should know better…
The Little Things
“It may seem boring, but it is the boring things I remember the most.” ~Russell, Adventure Scout from the animated film Up My daughter and I went to see the film Up last weekend. The buzz about the film was all good, but the widow buzz held a warning…good film, heart wrenching theme, message that may speak straight to your heart. Once again,…
Worth a Second Look
I started to write something to honor the men we have lost in recognition of Memorial Day. Then I realized that I couldn’t write anything more poignant or beautiful than what Nicole has already posted. And so I am re-posting her Thursday post with this addition…there are no words of thanks that adequately honor the sacrifices made by the men and…