“You can hold yourself back from the sufferings of the world, that is something you are free to do and it accords with your nature, but perhaps this very holding back is the one suffering you could avoid.” -Franz Kafka I’m at one of our bi-monthly AWP events. Our first night is one of the most interesting. For many of the widows, it is there…
widow
as I remember
When telling a story, Jeff or I would occasionally correct each other’s rendition of the tale. Although I am always as truthful as possible, there were times when either of us would need a reminder of the facts of a past event and it was comforting to know that I could always ask him some small memory that was remembered by both of us. “How long…
One of THE Most Difficult ….
…. Posts I’ve Ever Written. Something has changed. And I wasn’t even aware of it until 2 days ago. Which is kind of freaking me out, because this change was huge. So huge that it stunned me when I realized it. Literally. And then I wondered how I felt about it. I felt horrible and yet a little relieved at the same time. And I kept this change…
Not Okay
I remember using the words “not okay” with Grayson when he was little to teach him that something was wrong. I’m not sure why we used “not okay” instead of “bad” or “wrong” – but I’m sure it was in tune with the current kinder gentler way of teaching kids right from wrong. For whatever reason the phrase has stuck with me, and I’ve used it since…
A Personal Look at Death and Resurrection
Resurrection is the theme of the day for Christians everywhere. But whether this day is a religious celebration for you, or a bunny hop, or just another Sunday…those of us who grieve have a unique knowledge of the experience of death and resurrection. Because when our loved one died, we did too. The person who did not know what living in a…
The Wall
“But mostly, I cried because my life had been going full speed for so long and now it had just stopped, like running right into a big brick wall, knocking the wind and the fight right out of me. And I didn’t know if I’d ever even wanted to get up and start breathing again.” – Sarah Dessen This quote embodies the day I was notified and the…
My Death Wish
Filling in for Jackie today with a post I wrote almost four years ago. Even today, I can clearly remember the feeling of wanting to be dead. It would have been terrifying if I were capable of feeling anything besides empty, but in that moment all I wanted was to be with Phil. Of all the words I have written over the past 5.8 months the ones I share…
“It Can’t Take Away What You’ve Lost ….
Jim and me …. at the huge surprise party he managed to truly pull off, for my 40th. … but it is something.” The above title and sentence was a line from last night’s episode of “E.R.”.* It stopped me …… I literally stopped and stared at the screen. And no, it wasn’t because it was George Clooney who said it. He was playing his…
730 Days
Written on April 15, 2011 729 days and 22 hours ago… we were dancing in his room. We were drinking beer, watching American Idol and eating. I can’t remember what. We were laughing together, his sister, his best childhood friend, my friend and I. And then one of us would look at him, and cry. I tried to forget all of…
How Did You Two Meet?
Recently I spent eight days with one of my favorite people in the world. You all know her as our Tuesday blogger, I call her tacalla. You’ve heard one or the other of us use that term here on the blog (tacalla is the Spanish word for two things that share the same name), as a way of explaining our shared Michel/lleness. Just imagine for a minute…
i’m a jerk…a widowed jerk
I am strong. I am brave. I am a survivor. I am usually empathetic and kind. But…… Sometimes I’m an angry whiner. I wallow in my self-pity and the life that I now exist in. I realize that life is a gift and that we must be grateful for the amount of time we spend with our loved ones and upon this Earth…..But there are times I can’t help…
Even Deeper ….
…. purging.Last week I told you that I was purging my home and attic and getting things organized.What I didn’t tell you …. was how deeply I was purging.You can see that there’s a lot of “stuff” in my garage, but you most likely can’t make anything out (due to my fabulous skills as a photographer).But there’s something there …. on the right…