Life after the death of the person you love demands that you ask yourself BIG questions. Ironically, the questions are often about life and living. I have asked myself over and over again, Who am I now that Mike has died? Maybe part of…
changes
A New Lease
Another sleepless night. Eyes wide open, I finally get up. I pace through the house, small as it is, investigating this or that I think I will or will not take to the new place, for the millionth time. Thinking about all the things I have already taken to the new place, for the millionth time. Our new place, my boyfriend’s and mine. …
Going With It
The big news is, we found a place to rent here in Kona that has agreed to the dogs. It’s only up the block, so moving should be relatively easy. It’s expensive…but thankfully my boyfriend is with us for all the support both emotional and financial that it will entail. It has not come easy. It took weeks for the owner to come around to us…
Decisions, Decisions
Sometimes, you don’t make decisions. Sometimes, decisions are just made for you. Like that time my husband died. I definitely didn’t decide that. And as a result, a cascade of other decisions I didn’t make happened. I just had no choice in the matter. All the things you do in life, day-to-day or long term, doing any of those things without…
Tiresome Grief
I’m just so tired. Sitting here with all this week’s feelings, thoughts and words ping-ponging around my brain, that one just keeps rising to the top. Grief is a heavy, heavy stone to drag around, and I’m tired. That sinister companion has changed so much, not just in my daily life but how I think about life altogether. I’m been…
Just Another Week
What’s going on in the life of this widow this week? It’s been four years, four months, and 11 days. Some things are changed very much, and some not so much. I still look out over the same view, from the same lanai, in the same house we shared together for 12 years. I still drive through the little town in Hawaii we both fell in love with…
Mother’s Day – A Year in Review
(So, I wrote this last year on Mother’s Day. I tried and tried to write this week, and the more i did so, the more it read just like the below. So instead, I’ve decided to re-post it, with an update on what has changed, a year later. A year further from losing Megan, and another year growing with Sarah. I’ve underlined in parenthesis my…
Times Gone By
I’m enjoying my last few months in Kona working at the restaurant. It is situated just a few feet from the water; the view is stupendous. The people are friendly and fun – this includes the staff and the customers. So it’s really not a bad place to be in any regard. I often find myself gazing out over the ocean and the other quaint buildings in…
Being Here Now
The day before this posts is my birthday. I am now 49. Mike was 45 when we met; I was 31. It’s hard to imagine I am that old now, and I spend a lot of time thinking back to Mike at my age. And I remember all the birthdays we spent together…I have kept all of the cards we gave each other. We always did something special, but he made me feel…
Mixed Emotions
After two and a half months in Virginia helping my family through a medical crisis, I am finally back in Kona for a few final months. Kona, Hawaii, where I moved with my late husband in 2001. This magical, special and most beautiful place where we made so many memories.Mike is here. His spirit will always be here, to me, even as I take a part of…
Limbo Girl
In a few weeks we will hit the four year mark of Mike’s death. Four years. On that day I will have survived 1,460 days without him. I only got 5040 days with him. Life for those of us left behind continues to speed by. Some days I panic a little that grief has stolen so much time. Then I realize how much grief has taught me, and how much I have…
Ghosts of Christmas Yet to Come
Just before Christmas, in 2002, Megan and I met. A few weeks later, and I was already invited to her family’s home for Christmas dinner and gifts. I was accepted into their clan with open arms, and I’ve been a part of their family ever since. I’ve been at Christmas dinner in 2005, not long after Megan’s brother died. I was there in…