For the first time since Tony died, I found myself in town for New Years Eve. I have spent the last four years ringing in the new year anywhere but home. Part of me was dreading being here with all the couples I’m friends with when the clock struck midnight. The unknown of how it […]
Widowed
Rain, New Year’s Eve
by Maggie Smith Its New Year’s Eve and I’m arriving here late. It’s raining in So Cal about half a day’s worth, anyway. Perhaps Maggie’s poem will provide an insight or two. Sending love and light to all for a Happy New Year! Happy beginnings everyone…. we welcome another chance in […]
Serenity
My first Christmas without Jim has passed – and spending it in the hills of Tennessee with my brother and sister-in-law was the very best thing I could have chosen to do. Quiet. Peaceful. Plenty of childhood reminiscing. Lots of trees and deer, a horse that visits, and their furry son, Dexter, to help me […]
My Stocking
The Christmas décor has already been packed away. Another Christmas passed and further away from when Tony was here. I’ve convinced the kids we don’t need to put up the tree anymore. It’s so heavy and a lot of work put up and tear down. There are no believers in my house anymore and it […]
Approaching Year’s End
Closing Down 2025 Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. My feeling? Pretty chill, actually. I’m saving my present wrapping for tomorrow after church. We draw names, so only one special person’s presents require wrap. No party happening here, so no busy prep. I plan to sit by my brightly lit tree to wrap my gifts and then […]
My First Christmas …
… without Jim. And there won’t be any decorations or a tree or any cards and gifts sent. I just can’t do any of that this year. It’s hard to get into the holiday spirit when you’re missing your husband. The Christmas tree is such a big undertaking, full of memories, and the other things […]
Pages of Grief
Last night I finished the book Maame by Jessica George. (Warning: Spoilers ahead if it’s on your To Be Read list.) The book follows Maddie, who is trying to find herself at 25 when her father dies from complications related to Parkinsons. She is at an age where she is working through finding a career […]
Visiting Cemeteries
I am currently in the Philippines, visiting with family for the holidays. We are from a small mountain town, where both my parents’ families have lived for generations. My Mom, who passed away 2.5 years ago, is here in our family mausoleum. Even when I was a child visiting “home,” going to the cemetery was […]
Holiday Pause for Peace
What do I need in this moment? I take a breath I breathe in peace I breathe in silence I breathe in words, story, and music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCpXMy5GalI&list=RDlCpXMy5GalI&start_radio=1 Please excuse the holiday ad at the beginning. Worth waiting for Peace on Earth with Bing Crosby & David Bowie and assorted music […]
Sign, Sign. Everywhere a Sign
Do you believe we can receive signs from our loved ones? I do. Some may say I’m doing a bit of reaching on this. Maybe. But if we can find something – anything – that helps us navigate through our loss, to help ease some of the pain, then why not grab it? After Vern […]
Funeral Attendance
Today I went to a funeral for friend whose mom passed away. I have known this friend since high school, and I think I even crashed on the couch in their basement once. I know some people avoid almost all future funerals after losing their partner. Admittedly, some of them are easier to sit through […]
Holiday Traditions Evolving
“Fun” fact – Lynn and I never spent a Christmas together in the 10 years we were together on Earth. Her family lived in Tennessee, and mine lived in the same town we lived. We both had big families we were close to, with lots of nieces and nephews. We both wanted to spend the […]