I remember clearly the first time I met Lynn’s parents and family… the anxiety, apprehension, excitements, all the things. Also, it was the first time we traveled on a plane together (from California to Atlanta). Every part of the trip was a new, nervous experience for me, to the extent that I privately asked a […]
Widowed
“Love Letter From the Afterlife” – Andrea Gibson
This one’s going to be short this week, but it will pack a punch. Shout out to one of my clients, as it was through them that I first learned about Andrea Gibson and saw this YouTube video. Andrea was a poet and performance artist who explored gender identity, death and more through their verse. […]
Ocean Beckons
With Deep Medicine During Dan’s illness and throughout his last days on earth, the ocean brought me comfort. Words fail to capture how much it helped me, but it was something about the immensity of the sea. Boundless immensity. Unfathomable depths. Powerful enough to kill and mysteriously gentle. Home to millions of sea creatures within […]
More Than Just Stuff
A few weeks ago, I wrote about a friendship that was falling apart. It escalated to the point that I have been unfriended on social media, and I am met with silence in public settings. Then I realized they had something of ours. I spent a lot of mental energy trying to figure out how […]
Through the Good and Bad
This past Tuesday I was working when I got a message on my phone from a friend who just saw the news that Ozzy Osbourne had passed away. Earlier in the month he’d given his final show during the Black Sabbath Tribute in his home town of Birmingham, England. Total legend. I remember the first […]
Summer of Daddy
Lately, the twins have been mentioning Daddy more often than usual. It started with Wyatt wanting to look at picture books of him each night for their bedtime story. Then, during nap time the other day, Charlotte was mumbling ‘daddy, daddy’ in her sleep and woke up crying. And lately, they have been singing the […]
Letting Go
Again My son surprised me when he seemed surprised himself when I said “I’m giving away Dad’s chair.” His face witnessed to his inner reaction. It was unexpected his desire to hold on to the recliner. It’s been four and a half years and I thought if one of the kids wanted it […]
Redesigning Home
Recently I had the urge to make updates around the house. However, I lost my favorite handyman when I lost Tony. (Spoiler alert, it was him.) Hiring someone to do the work is intimidating. It’s more expensive than I’m used to since we used to just pay for the materials and he would do 95% […]
Early Firsts
I recently wrote about the many “firsts” I have experienced in life that happened with Lynn. It made me think about the “firsts” after Lynn, and the mixed feelings that often accompany these “first” experiences. There are the firsts that are more about grieving the lack / loss of Lynn’s presence. I remember the first […]
Standing Between Milestones
I’m Still Here The yearly calendar continues its dance. Just passed July 4th wedding anniversary and just ahead, in August, Dan’s birthday (tho not till the 28th). A footpath for grief? Or milestones on the journey? Who can say for sure what any of it means? Poetry says it best. I held my morning […]
Looking back . . .
. . . it was all fear. “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” –C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed An interesting phenomena when looking back to the early days of widowhood is that I see things now that I was unable to see then. Things I may or may not […]
The Power of Holding Her Hand
June was Pride Month AND Filipino Heritage Month, and is always my busiest month as a result. I am greatly involved in organizing many of the activities, as well as participating in those I have no responsibility with (often my favorite times). I couldn’t help but remember the many memories Lynn and I made over […]