I always miss Tony, but I found myself missing him at every turn this week. Our youngest was denied a spot on the soccer team with his friends again this year. I cannot help to think if Tony were here, he would be in the unofficial Dad Club where these decisions are made. I […]
Widowed Memories
What do Mother’s Day, Handy Men, T-shirts and Jazz have in common?
Photo my own You might well ask. Well, one answer, and the only one I have right now, is that these words, or words related to them, are on sticky notes, forming a dense, colourful and messy pile, worthy of investing in 3M. I am trying to reduce my use of sticky notes, but […]
Mother’s Day Reflections
My mother will have been gone nearly twenty years come this Mother’s Day. I can tell you that she loved her family unconditionally, and me most of all, I think. Come Mother’s Day I will think about my mother’s generous spirit. I will recall her stubbornness. I will remember that my mother was highly principled. […]
What number of miracles brings us to this place?
For 15 years, I worked in the development department of a local non-profit and I remember the needs of the community far outweighing the funds available to support the folks in need. So, it warmed my heart this past Saturday to witness an evening where hope soared. Soaring Spirits International successfully hosted an inspiring fundraiser […]
Funeral Attendance
I went to a funeral this morning. That right there could be the whole post, right? Two years later and it’s still hard to sit through one without transporting myself back in time. The funeral was for a relative of Tony’s who I didn’t know that well. Therefore, I was there as a supporter versus […]
A Life Well-lived
Last Saturday, at 2:45am I received a phone call. I could tell by the sender that it brought the inevitable news that my father had passed. My dad had been under hospice care for approximately three weeks, and although the circumstances of their passings differed, it struck me that both he and Rich had […]
One Last Meal
If you’ve been widowed a hot minute, you know there are many first and lasts you experience over the years after your partners death. This might sound weird to some people but Sunday evening the kids and I ate the last of Tony’s barbeque. Smoked sausage and brisket burnt ends to be exact. We spent […]
I Said Yes!
Yesterday, April 28th marked the anniversary of my engagement to my late husband, Rich, in 1996, and also the 18 month milestone of my Widowhood Journey. Both milestones represent life-changing occasions on both ends of the marital spectrum. Rich and I had been casually acquainted for a few years before we went out on our […]
Just because I “know” doesn’t mean I “remember”
Image of Ground Zero Memorial by Oleg Illarionov on Unsplash It’s a tricky thing, supporting others who have experienced great loss. Even when you yourself have experienced great loss. Even when you have experienced the “same” great loss, dammit. It’s a tricky thing because of so many tricky things. Tricky things like the natural human […]
Salvaging the Past
Years ago when I still lived in my hometown of Hackensack, NJ, I acquired a stained glass masterpiece; a window that had been removed from one of the city’s stately mansions demolished to make way for another new high-rise condominium complex along Prospect Avenue with a amazing view of NYC in the distance. Measuring approximately […]
Poster Child – but not for the reasons I would have wanted
Photo by P – family friend – photo of our two girls, which P keeps stuck behind a piece of art from Julia It was Julia’s 19th birthday a couple of weeks ago. On 30th March. Still her birthday. Even if she is not alive to enjoy it, to celebrate it, to live it, to […]
Joy and Melancholy
Yesterday was my oldest son’s birthday. This Thursday will mark two years since Tony’s death. It is hard to hold both of those dates in my heart so close together. The date that we became parents for the first time with the date we all lost him. Joy and melancholy fold in on themselves. This […]