In April, I started with a new therapist, and I’ve been seeing her consistently since our first session. Today we were discussing secondary losses towards the end of our session. Just as the bulk of my session was winding down, I hit on a new topic that was bigger than the 2 minutes we had […]
Widowed Emotions
Back where it all ended.
I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve had to return to the place where Mario left his earthly body behind. It’s the local hospital. Why I’ve had to go back, repeatedly, is primarily due to the fact there are a lot of older people in my life. Every time I have to go there, […]
Where is beauty?
Where is joy? I’m grateful to be alive this day to breathe in air to witness beauty and to walk barefooted upon the earth. Grief’s feeling cycles remind me that I am alive. The values which form the backbone of my existence remind me to pay attention. Where does joy reside? […]
Enduring Silence
I lost a friendship I once valued, Who knows where the drift began. But you can’t make amends with silence, Although it’s not quiet like the dead. This silence breeds indifference, I refuse to accept the shrinking effects. I’ve already survived his death, This too, I will endure. I imagine they are hurting too, Missing […]
Non “Magical Thinking”
For years after Lynn passed, I never shied away from “hard feelings” ie: sadness, anger, exhaustion, confusion, etc. If a feeling came along, I gave it a place to stay as long as it needed to. I had no filter with people either. If people asked “how was I doing,” I matter of factly told […]
On Sunflowers
A Medicine for Joy? part one of a three-part meditation on joy Ah Sun-flower! weary of time, Who countest the steps of the Sun: Seeking after that sweet golden clime Where the travellers journey is done. Where the Youth pined away with desire, And the pale Virgin shrouded in snow: Arise from their graves […]
The Mundane
It feels weird to even write about this, but it was also weird to experience. In May, I found my checkbook down to the last few pages. We live in an age where checks are hardly used, so an order for a few books can last a very long time. I can’t tell you the […]
Free will, again.
I swear that in this life, my lesson is to learn all about human free will. You’ve probably heard the term (I’ve also mentioned it in a previous post). It’s been around since the ancient Greek philosophers first talked about the notion that humans could freely decide between doing/choosing or not doing/choosing something. Philosophers ever […]
A Poet’s Wisdom
death’s sting is in my heart and mind and memories When I think of death, and of late the idea has come with alarming frequency, I seem at peace with the idea that a day will dawn when I will no longer be among those living in this valley of strange humors. I […]
Party Hostess
Tony and I always loved opening our home and hosting friends. We hosted both large and small gatherings, finding joy in both kinds of camaraderie. Since his passing, I haven’t hosted as much as we used to. It’s hard to be a solo parent, juggling all that comes with that, and finding the time to […]
Resting in Peace
Our Own Way We wish for our person to rest in peace—what about us? Are there moments of peace that we create for ourselves? Grief follows us like a shadow. No matter where we turn it can show up. Up close and personal. First thing in the morning, as we stretch from the night’s […]
Solo Motherhood
As summer draws near and we are at the finish line for yet another school year, the weight of being a solo parent has been even more apparent lately. First, it started with research and enrollment for kindergarten. The official public school days are about to begin, and I couldn’t wrap my head around it. […]