Why Speak of Them?
Does it matter?
As a widow of nearly four years, I wonder how many widowed people just tough-it-out and don’t reach out for help during their early days of widowhood. Or, perhaps they do, but they keep it private.
It is possible to have professional grief therapy, counseling, or pastoral care as private support options. There are many paths toward healing. The one I chose was peer support and through it I have learned much in my widowed journey.
Peer support is genius.
Peer support is a service offered across the world and considered an indispensable mental health service. As the field continues to evolve and develop, peer support is emerging as a standard of practice throughout various, diverse settings and shows potential to impact clinical outcomes for service users throughout the globe. –National Library of Medicine
When you lose the person you thought you would spend the rest of your life with, there are many things you may find in common with someone else who is working their way through grief. There may be details of your loss you have in common, or the challenges of daily life for grievers, such as the daily responsibilities of caring for home, children, or finances. You might find in common the “situations” we face such as insensitive questions, or how to navigate the changing relationships with your “couple” friends. It helps to know you are not alone in navigating so many new things in your life.
Each widowed person has a story about why their person left such a big hole in their heart. This article demonstrates how many things we have in common with our widowed peers. It gives one a sense of the conversations we have with our peers as we travel the path of grief. The person writing the article becomes a supportive peer through publicly posting their private story. Thank you, Sophia.
Speaking of “it” is a self-care statement. It serves the purpose of getting the support we need. In many cases, widowed people continue to show up to provide support to those who are brand new to loss. As seasoned widowed people, we offer a unique kind of peer support that provides hope for the future. We bring the gift of the “long view,” reminding newbies that we can survive and thrive.
Why speak of them?
Speaking of “them” is a statement of love and remembering. An opportunity to say their name and hear those words coming from our mouth. A way of normalizing our loss.
“Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it.” Haruki Murakami
The stories we tell our widowed peers are often small nuggets of stories that enter the present moment when we are discussing a topic at our widowed meeting. In this way we “meet” the beloved persons of our peers through the mini-stories shared over a meal. Love lives on in the telling.
As Vision says in Wanda-Vision,
What is grief if not love persevering?
