to the Work of Grieving
Grief work feels overwhelming.
It takes courage to step toward the work with all the feelings in the way.
Sadness that our person is not there.
The strange dance of feeling hope and then feeling hopeless.
I’m almost 4 years in now and I think the overwhelm is a normal part of the process.
Working through grief takes both effort and time.
We don’t always realize this in the beginning. We do have the option of facing our feelings and speaking about our process, and we can also pause the work if we need to rest.
Learning that grief is a process was helpful for me. It helped me to keep nudging myself back into life.
“I’ve been hiding in the house all week…I think I’ll take a walk tomorrow.”
“Maybe I’ll call a friend and take them up on their invitation to lunch . . .”
“I might be ready to try an hour or so at work…see how I do.”
What is the genius of this work? I think it’s taking small steps as we are able. Encouraging ourselves to take a tiny step toward something that feels scary. Figuring out if and when I am ready to act.
For example, we may find that “asking for help” requires some thinking through before we feel ready to try it. Our mind comes up with all the worst case scenarios . . .
What if they say no?
What if they don’t understand?
What if they tell us just to get over it?
What if they are not the right person to listen in this moment?
Grief work includes pauses. It’s not a race. In order to do the deep down work, we can find our own rhythm. Small steps often lead to small successes. Sometimes we make big discoveries. And sometimes we just want to be done with it. To find our “old” normal.
It helps to remember that we are healing bit by bit.
We are re-creating our life.
Reclaiming our aliveness.
It is a work in progress.
So, why do I return to the work of grieving?
I return to the work of grieving to
Gain Hope
“Maybe I can feel normal again.”
“I’m exhausted after that walk, but it felt good to be outdoors.”
“Seeing my work-mates was not as hard as I thought it would be.”
I return to the work of grieving because I
Experience Wholeness
- Year One felt like a fog…stumbling my way through what loss means…feeling lost.
- Year Two was harder for me…I wondered, how will I get through? Where is normal?
- Year Three I recognized that the work I did in year one and two subtly changed me. I felt a new normal shaping my life.
- Year Four is awaiting me in the near future. I do not dread it. Doing the work helps me welcome it.
I return to the work of grieving to
Give Back
Peer support reminds me that we need each other. To remind each other of our progress.
I am learning how to tenderly care for myself. With family, friends, and the widowed people who walk with me, I have been supported, encouraged, and loved into life again. I return to the work of grieving to be there for the new widow and widower to offer
- Listening
- Encouragement
- Practical support
This lesson comes up time and time again:
The ones who know how it feels to fall down are often the first ones to help you up.
