Sometimes I am surprised by moments that heal my in ways I never imagined on this journey of loss. I met Mike because I lost Drew. And I met his daughter Shelby because of that too. And because they lost a wife and mother. And here we are, this new little family sort of scrapped together from the pieces of past lives. There are more pieces too……
Widowed and Healing
Traveler’s Remorse
Two weeks traveling abroad in the Brazilian Amazon! How amazing! So exciting! I have never traveled out of the country besides Cancun, Mexico so this was a huge step outside my comfort zone. I haven’t had an actual vacation since Tin passed so this would be a break for me to soak up the experience and take the much earned downtime to recharge.I…
Conversations with the Widowed
So, since I have been writing for this blog for a number of years now, which I love doing, there are times when I either: A: cant really think of anything new to say or write about without sounding like a broken record, or B: get tired of hearing the sound, or the type, of my own voice and my own story. When that happens, which is the case…
Live Forward
In less than one month it will be three years since Mike died. With time and a lot of processing, the truth of his death has slowly leached into every cell of my body. And, despite my initial rebellion against his death, my heart is finally no longer resisting what my mind understands. Mike is gone. He died. Even now, it is unthinkable…
What’s hard for Two Widowed People in Love: Card Canceling
Today Mike and I are writing together about a topic that our Friday writer Kelley asked about recently. Most people assume it is easier to be in a relationship with another widowed person when you are widowed. And it’s true, a lot of things are simplified when you understand each other’s loss. Kelley was curious to know what some of the specific…
Syncopated Grief
Today is one of those exquisitely beautiful, bright autumn days. With temperatures that would feel “just right” on a mid-summer’s day, but with the added benefit of a gentle breeze to doubly kiss my bare skin as I sit now, in the garden, writing this piece. I have been out on a “long run”. The kind of “long run” I do in the run-up to…
My Aliveness
It is not just his deadness, it’s my aliveness that weighs heavy on my Soul. In a month and one day, it will be exactly three years since Mike died. And, this year, it is not only his deadness that is gutting me, it is more… Mike is dead. That sentence is awful to read. Beyond awful really. And, it is terrible to type. But, I…
Sudden Death Shadows
Well, I made it through the long three days of Mike being out of town for work the other week. He made sure to text or call at every turn so that I knew he was safe – which helped so much to keep the panic at bay a bit. So no, he didn’t die. Much to my relief. Although I will say, the whole ordeal of having to cope with my new person on a work trip…
Phases of Widow
Its been a little over eight years since the sudden death of my husband and my world came crashing down like a tsunami, and so far, it sure has been one hell of a storm. Today, for no particular reason at all, I suddenly realized how the word “widow” has shifted and changed for me over these years. And, Im guessing, how it may continue to…
Family Vacation
I recently came back from taking my daughter to Disneyland. It was a bitter and sweet vacation. It was the first time we vacationed without my husband. It was very hard to not have his physical presence with us. I decided to take my daughter to Disneyland because that is something my husband and I had talked about. I am aware now, that you can’t…
Adrift
When you become a widow everything familiar is suddenly lost. The rituals and routines of your old life no longer mark the way. As a widowed person you are forced to sail into uncharted waters. It is incredibly daunting. But, with time, you get used to it. And, you can even begin to flourish in the open water. I am different because he died. I am…
Diagnoses Date
We all know the dreaded dates. The anniversary of their death, birthdays, togetherness anniversaries, holidays but there’s one more on my list that adds another dark mark on my year – His diagnosis date.Tin just felt off like he had the flu or something. No strange symptoms. No sudden pains. Just an off feeling. He did complain that he felt…