Lee kept her wedding box at the top of her closet, which I had been in the process of reclaiming from her when I found it. I say her wedding box because she was not keeping it for our mutual benefit. I did not know it existed. I opened the lid and looked inside the […]
Uncategorized
Knock off Life
The problem is, I have no idea what or who will help me feel this Soul fulfillment that I long for. It has been 4.6 years since I have felt truly content and I do not know when a sense of peace will ever return to me.
Waiting….
Lately it feels as if my life is in a constant state of waiting. Waiting until my financial situation is finally/ever/slightly better before I can afford to buy myself necessary items x,y,and z… Waiting until the real estate market calms the hell down some so that we can maybe get one of our many offers […]
The Box (Part 1)
It was inevitable that I would start to reclaim for myself spaces we used to share, but then I procrastinate or stop short of finishing the task. Yes, it’s true that within hours of Lee’s death, in anger I had exorcised from our home numerous items, including the bottles and boxes containing her medicines, the […]
Widowed Words
I was chatting and messaging back and forth with some other widowed people in a Facebook Widowed Support Group for re-partnered and remarried widowed people this morning, and the topic came up about the term CHAPTER TWO. Some widowed people refer to their new partner after loss as their “chapter two.” Some people like this […]
Marry Me (2021 edition)
On May 25, 2016, he asked me to marry him. Then, he died before our wedding day. In 2018 when I originally wrote this, I sat re-reading those two sentences again and again and again. I just couldn’t seem to process the words the letters were forming. Now, nearly five years from the date, my […]
Last Friday
Hey Everyone! So today will be my last Friday Widows Voice post. Don’t worry. I’m not going anywhere. I will still be writing here. I just cannot do Fridays anymore, due to my nutty work / multiple job schedule. Ive been fitting in my posts in between my morning and afternoon work shifts, which Im […]
Untitled and Off the Cuff
As many, if not most readers will know firsthand, grief shows up in myriad ways, often unexpectedly. I have been a widower for less than one year now, but already I have melted down driving home from the grocery store, reviewing tax documents with my accountant in her office, stumbling upon a dusty file or […]
Being
There is a lot happening in my life right now and that is an understatement. And, despite all the uncertainty, I am surprisingly calm. Friends of mine notice a calmness in my voice when we speak and they are right, I am very “chill” considering the enormity of the changes I am living through right […]
Proud Widow
My husband Don and I were only married for 4 years and 9 months when he died suddenly from cardiac arrest. We were in the talking/planning/hoping/making changes stages of possibly having a family. We talked about moving out of NJ and into NY, or maybe even moving to Massachusetts so we could be closer to […]
The Gardener
Whether we were here at home or at Deer Tick Manor, friends and neighbors would drop by with their “green” questions for Lee or stop to solicit her recommendations about the best garden center while running errands on a weekend or ask her to provide the internet address of her reliable online supplier or identify […]
Almost “normal”…
I have been feeling almost like a “regular” person lately. What I mean is that I almost feel like I did before Mike died; and, for me, quite surprisingly, feeling normal doesn’t really feel normal at all. Feeling “normal”, in and of itself, is strange and unsettling for me because for so long I have […]