So Wednesday was my Wedding Anniversary – to the dead guy. Or as I like to call it: my “would have been 15 years anniversary” Anniversary. It was also my first wedding anniversary to the dead guy, where Im a married woman (to the very much alive guy.) There really is no way to describe […]
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The Orphan
Early Saturday morning, while sipping my first cup of coffee, I turned on public radio. I heard a story about the demands and burdens being put on people who must care for their aging baby boomer parents.I had tuned in just as a woman was discussing her personal experience caring for her father, who apparently […]
Saved
When you allow life to unfold, the right people come into your life at the right time.
W is for Family
Like many of us who were forced upon this path of widowhood, I used to hate the word widow. Hated it with a vengeance. It made me shiver and it gave me chills. It made me feel sick to my stomach in ten billion different ways. When this tsunami of sudden death was thrust upon […]
Making an Investment
Today’s theme concerning moving forward seems to be one that I gravitate toward with some frequency in these musings. In the next week alone I will be meeting Amy and Vik for dinner, and next week have made plans to see Paul and Joanne, along with Wendell and Steve. Of course, Amy was Lee’s dear […]
Louder
Grief has a timeline of it’s own. For me, my grief only receded into the background when I started to genuinely LIVE more. I often say that “My Grief got “softer” when my Life got louder”. This is the most accurate way I can describe the process.
Nothin’ To Say
I sit here trying to pound out this week’s tune, but find that I do not have much news to report: No special insights to share about my widow(er)hood, no roiling sad emotions crying to be released lest I explode. In fact, at this moment I mainly am concerned with life’s humdrum: Restocking the pantry […]
Here
Today, I am present in my life again. Once again, I am LIVING. Wow. Huh. I can’t believe that I got “here” – wherever this place is… When I first started writing my blogs I didn’t know if this day would ever come – and, finally, it has. I am actually living in the […]
The Loss of a Friend
Back when I was a kid, growing up in smalltown Groton Massachusetts, one of the very first people I met was a boy named Scot. Throughout our entire childhood, Scot and I were very close friends. We were inseperable. We were the kind of friends where whenever someone would mention one of us, they would […]
Planning to Get Away
Recently I have been spending time considering possible warm weather destinations for a mid-February hiatus. Here in the northern climes the specter of another harsh Winter leaves us daydreaming of a Winter getaway. Such getaways are not necessarily limited to the warm weather […]
Average Widow – Revisited
Nearly five years later, I *still* identify myself as a widow because that is what I am. I will always be Mike’s widow. It is what it is. But, I am so much more than this. And, really, I have always known that who I am is more than a dead man’s fiance, but the weight of grief prevented me from embracing myself and who I am without him for a long, long time. Now, finally, I can say with authority and certainty that I am more me than widow – if that makes sense. I am Staci. I continue to be only “average” at widowing, but like before, I don’t care. I was never planning on excelling at this gig anyhow because I am too busy rebuilding my life to bother becoming proficient at widowhood.
50 is Here
Last Sunday I turned 50 years old. Nick and I had a big, outdoor party at our new home. It was a combination birthday / housewarming event. To keep things safe, we kept the invites to local friends and family, held it 90% outside, and basically did all we could to maintain safety precautions. There […]