Whenever people say or even assume that “time heals all wounds”, I pretty much want to roll my eyes into the next universe at them like a pre-teen girl who is angry at the world and doesn’t know why.

Except, unlike that pre-teen girl, I get angry at that phrase and I DO know why. Because its bullshit. It isnt true. I dont particularly like when people give credit to outside forces such as God, or time, or anything else for that matter. Time doesnt heal anything. Here is what time does – it passes by. It keeps moving forward.

You know what helps you into a place of healing? YOU!!!!!! You are the one getting up each day and DOING THIS over and over and over again. YOU are the one who has to keep paying the bills, or raising those kids, or deal with your own health issues, or cope with family stress, or work 1 or 2 or even 3 jobs just to make ends meet, or force yourself to shower today or to make it past your living room today or to even get out of bed today. YOU are living with this loss, and making mistakes, and learning from them or not learning from them, and making unhealthy choices and sometimes healthier choices, and maybe sometimes even feeling okay or good or pretty damn wonderful, thank you.

YOU are the one who decides how to live through this and with this and how to carry this loss and this love forward. Time has nothing to do with it. Its ALL you. Its how you choose to spend that time that passes. Are you spending it trying to make tomorrow better than today? Are you seeking out things that may help you, such as writing or grief counseling or a community of amazing people who get it such as this? Are you recognizing how you might do things differently the next day, and the day after that?

If not, its okay. You’ll get there.

And when you do, its YOU that deserves all that credit.

All of it.

As for time?

It will just keep on moving,

no matter how hard we want to stop it.