Today’s theme concerning moving forward seems to be one that I gravitate toward with some frequency in these musings. In the next week alone I will be meeting Amy and Vik for dinner, and next week have made plans to see Paul and Joanne, along with Wendell and Steve. Of course, Amy was Lee’s dear […]
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Louder
Grief has a timeline of it’s own. For me, my grief only receded into the background when I started to genuinely LIVE more. I often say that “My Grief got “softer” when my Life got louder”. This is the most accurate way I can describe the process.
Nothin’ To Say
I sit here trying to pound out this week’s tune, but find that I do not have much news to report: No special insights to share about my widow(er)hood, no roiling sad emotions crying to be released lest I explode. In fact, at this moment I mainly am concerned with life’s humdrum: Restocking the pantry […]
Here
Today, I am present in my life again. Once again, I am LIVING. Wow. Huh. I can’t believe that I got “here” – wherever this place is… When I first started writing my blogs I didn’t know if this day would ever come – and, finally, it has. I am actually living in the […]
The Loss of a Friend
Back when I was a kid, growing up in smalltown Groton Massachusetts, one of the very first people I met was a boy named Scot. Throughout our entire childhood, Scot and I were very close friends. We were inseperable. We were the kind of friends where whenever someone would mention one of us, they would […]
Planning to Get Away
Recently I have been spending time considering possible warm weather destinations for a mid-February hiatus. Here in the northern climes the specter of another harsh Winter leaves us daydreaming of a Winter getaway. Such getaways are not necessarily limited to the warm weather […]
Average Widow – Revisited
Nearly five years later, I *still* identify myself as a widow because that is what I am. I will always be Mike’s widow. It is what it is. But, I am so much more than this. And, really, I have always known that who I am is more than a dead man’s fiance, but the weight of grief prevented me from embracing myself and who I am without him for a long, long time. Now, finally, I can say with authority and certainty that I am more me than widow – if that makes sense. I am Staci. I continue to be only “average” at widowing, but like before, I don’t care. I was never planning on excelling at this gig anyhow because I am too busy rebuilding my life to bother becoming proficient at widowhood.
50 is Here
Last Sunday I turned 50 years old. Nick and I had a big, outdoor party at our new home. It was a combination birthday / housewarming event. To keep things safe, we kept the invites to local friends and family, held it 90% outside, and basically did all we could to maintain safety precautions. There […]
Maintaining
Lee was not my first wife nor even my second wife. However, she is the wife for whom the marriage vow “’til death do us part” felt true and irrevocable. Lee and I enjoyed a wonderful marriage. Then cancer came and got Lee and she died too young. I have learned firsthand that death is […]
A Division of Labor
As I have mentioned in this space from time to time, Lee was a marvelous gardener. She was more than a mere gardening enthusiast. After she retired from a career in government, Lee had plans to become a Master Gardener, a designation that connotes horticultural training and expertise as well as a deep commitment to […]
Funeral Thoughts
This will be a fairly short post today. We have been slowly moving into our new home, dealing with endless boxes and “stuff”, and I am exhausted. Also, last week, my husband Nick’s nephew Jimmy died. He was 41 years old, and he struggled with a lifelong battle of addiction. Yesterday we drove an hour […]
Al and Lee
My friend Al, pictured above, and I met as seniors in high school. Al was a charter member of our imaginary rock group the Frazier Thomas Band. Indeed, he was the imaginary producer of our first imaginary record album. Back in high school, my smart-ass first impression of Al had been, here is a guy […]