Although its been over 10 years since the sudden death of Don Shepherd, and although most times Im more than okay these days, there are moments where the guilt and regret of things past starts to overwhelm me. I know its silly and I know that I shouldnt waste my time torturing myself with these […]
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Happy Trails
Socks. Check! Clean underwear. Check! Toothbrush. Check! Covid vaccination card. Check! I am looking over my king size bed, which at this moment is completely covered by a wide assortment of travel items, ranging from my telescoping hiking stick to extra eyeglasses. I spot health-related items, toiletries, a bright red headband, gym shorts, one custom […]
Holding Pattern broken
I wrote about feeling restless in year three and I am happy to say that this restlessness has disappeared for the most part now that I am in year five+ of this widowhood thing. Grief changes thankfully. I am no longer consumed by emptiness and sadness is not my baseline anymore. For me, life is […]
When Life Intervenes
With rare exceptions, between Thursdays, the day on which I publish here, I let my thoughts rattle around inside my skull, hoping to catch a topic for the coming week. It’s as much about luck as skill, I suppose, like one of those old fashion handheld ball bearing games where you attempt to roll a […]
Coffee and Changes
One Sunday morning in 2019, I stood staring into the cupboard. My eyes saw all the familiar coffee mugs lined up. Though they are inanimate objects, the mugs seem to be shamelessly shouting “pick me” from their distinguished spots on the shelf. *Sigh. Which one should I select. Which mug do I want […]
Snow and Compromise
Yesterday, we got hit with a nor’easter/blizzard here in Massachusetts. Our area got almost a foot of snow (other parts of Mass. less than an hour away got 2 feet and more), plus nasty gusting winds, and massive tides and flooding in beach areas. We live in a house now, that we bought back in […]
Small Birds
I like to tend to my small birds. Today I see their birdbath is nearly empty of water. I make a mental note to add a pitcher of water as soon as I finish picking up around the kitchen. Meanwhile, steam continues rising from the bath on this bitterly cold morning. *** The current temperature […]
EACH DEATH COMES AS TEACHER
REST IN PEACE THICH NHAT HANH October 11, 1926 – January 22, 2022 No coming, no going no after, no before. I hold you close. I release you to be free. I am in you And you are in me. Thich Nhat Hanh
Topsy Turvy Widowed World
Happy Sunday, peeps! Sometimes, this life after loss thing feels so surreal to me I can barely take it. At times, it feels as if the life I am living is a life I dont even recognize as me, and I wonder would my dead husband Don recognize it, if he were randomly no longer […]
Winter Doldrums
Mid-January. I can count on consistent cold for at least another couple of months. My rational mind knows better, but I sometimes wonder whether the sun permanently has vanished behind thick and impenetrable gray clouds, low, menacing, and, […]
A Grief of My Own – 2022 Addendum
I wrote the original blog in August of 2020 and a lot has changed in my life since then, but this blog is still so very relevant. I have added my current thoughts into the original piece to highlight how grief is not static. The process of grief is long. Much longer than I thought […]
Old Shoes
I met Donna and Craig in the 1970s. We have been very close friends for nearly a half century. Fresh from law school, my first job as a clerk for a state appellate court judge required me to relocate to the medium sized city where the judge resided. I was married at this time, but […]