Sunday will be 2 years since Mike died. I keep thinking that I am getting it wrong. It can’t possibly be 2 years already. I feel like I just saw him. But then I feel like I haven’t seen him in an eternity. The whole while I still can’t believe I’ll never see him again. I see his picture and I think, “how can I never see him again; that…
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My Beloved
My beloved, How thin, or thick, is the veil Between your world and mine? Is there a world for you? Or did you just disappear into nothingness? Are there alternative worlds in which You and I exist at a different time? Still together, still living our lives, Living and loving passionately, Instead of me, living here, alone, Feeling all that…
You Have Been my Best Surprise
This amazing little girl came into my life quite unplanned 3 years ago… when I hadn’t even expected to find love again, much less a child. Now I’m waking up on mother’s day morning, and I am the one being celebrated. This is still so surreal to me. Of all of the hard or scary things in my life, this is one that I chose. I didn’t choose to…
Love, In Time
Where, my Beloved, did you go,That long-ago night when you left me?Where did you go,That darkest of nights forever ago,But yesterday?Watching as your chest quivered in and out,Until it quite simply…didn’t.And my heart that was your heart that was my heart again, and yours,Shattered and splintered,Even as it crystalized into nothingness and…
Let it Ride
I love how Mike was made. He was a good man. He was solid. Kindhearted. Bold in character, and strong in spirit. He stood with confidence. When he walked in a room the energy changed. Mike commanded attention in a very unassuming way. There was a certain authority in everything he did, yet there was a gentleness to him that you…
Back to Fear-Facing
In the almost 6 years since my fiance has been gone, so much life has happened. An unbelievable amount really. It’s felt like warp speed living. In part that was due to how much higher my emotions have run since he died… but it’s also in part due to having had so much change happen and having faced so many fears in such a small time in my…
And Though She Be But Little
Last night we were sitting in the restaurant and there was a table of four boys sitting across the aisle from us. They were being a little too loud for comfort. Without missing a beat, Lila turns to them and yells, “Hey! Be quiet!” I quickly tried to quiet Lila down because I didn’t want to cause a scene and young boys are prone to…
Missing Him on 40
I’m on the road again. I left Arizona, headed to Arkansas, a few days ago. Or maybe it was a week ago, now. I’m kind of tired after driving some long ass days. Tune up on my car. New tires, brakes on my rig, PinkMagic, fixed. Our daughter was road tripping to Arkansas with me, to see the opera camp where I work for the summer. It’s my second…
And Yet Another Tragedy
It seems every time I listen to the news there has been another tragedy and more people have died. On Monday a rented van mounted the sidewalk and killed 10 people and injured 15 in Toronto. On purpose. This person literally had no regard for human life. There was no empathy; how scary is that? How can someone be so incredibly detached from people…
Quiet
As the months pass, I am becoming increasingly reserved. I used to be a very social person; but, now, I am not overly interested in interacting with the people around me. I am not compelled to engage in superficial conversations because it distracts me from my own thoughts. My identity was intimately entwined with Mike; therefore, when I…
Fierce Love
I am a man of many flaws, one filled with an array of imperfections. In some eyes, I shouldn’t be standing yet here I am. Doing so. I thought about Linzi. About how much she wanted to be a mother to that beautiful little girl asleep in the other room as I write this. I thought about what she would’ve wanted for her. I thought about all…