• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
Widow's Voice

Widow's Voice

  • Soaring Spirits
  • Donate
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • YouTube
  • Home
  • Blog
  • Categories
  • Authors
    • Grace Villafuerte
    • Emily Vielhauer
    • Dianne West Garvey
    • Liliana Henao Holmes
    • Gary Ravitz
    • Sherry Holub
    • Lisa Begin-Kruysman

Then and Now

Posted on: December 2, 2021 | Posted by: Gary Ravitz

On the day after Thanksgiving Lola the pup and I travel to Deer Tick Manor to officially close the place until Spring arrives once again. Because the house is drafty and it rests on a cold slab of earth and concrete, this process requires battening down the hatches to the maximum extent possible to protect it from the annual pummeling it will get from the combination of strong, prevailing northeastern winds, heavy, wet lake effect snow that the area is famous for accumulating in heaps, and the relentless cold, which can produce enormous hanging ice formations that tug at and strain at the seams of the place.

Inside the house, I carefully inspect the refrigerator and cupboards: out-of-date food items must get tossed, while anything deemed worth salvaging becomes salvage. The likelihood there will be extended periods of extreme cold means that the water not only needs to be shut off completely, but that both toilets must be drained and filled with antifreeze. The plumbing pipes throughout the house must be blown clear of moisture, else it creates an unacceptably high risk of systemic damage.

Electronics, fragile or valuable items must be gathered up and stacked near the front door for transport back home, and so too any used towels or bedding. Before final departure, I lower the thermostat to 55 degrees.

I must never forget that the local utility company is an industrial behemoth controlled by insatiable and greedy pirates. State regulators permit the utility to charge honest customers like myself exorbitantly high rates for heat and electricity. Despite all my precautions, energy costs in the past have typically run about $200 per month to maintain the vacant house. Worse, this year the utility company has been issuing sticker shock notices to customers for the past several months, warning that heating bills are likely (i.e., certain) to skyrocket this Winter. The utility will never admit it, but the primary reason for this dire rate hike prediction is that the utility controls the regulators. And, as I say, insatiable and greedy pirates control the utility company.

***

Over time this process had become a post-Thanksgiving ritual for Lee and me. Then Lee died. Last year, my first without her, I performed this ritual largely on my own with a big assist from Deb, one of the neighbors.

***

 

Robyn drove to Deer Tick this past Friday. Together, we managed to basically have the house shut down by mid-morning on Sunday when she left Deer Tick to return to her home. Before Robyn departed, however, I can report that we spent an altogether enjoyable weekend together. A few examples suffice:

One morning we took Lola on a long off-leash walk during which we could only marvel at her indefatigable energy and ebullient spirit. Observing her dashing back and forth, full out, sprinting fifty yards or more at a crack from a standing start, splashing through every puddle of water she could manage to find, until her tongue literally was left hanging, made us smile and laugh. While we feebly attempted to keep up with her on two puny human legs each, Lola literally ran joyous circles around us the whole way.

One night we got dressed up a bit and ate dinner at a cozy inn with a fireplace and a marina located on a lake. Afterwards we enjoyed a few spirited hours of gaming at one of the local casinos. After some considerable play, Robyn, who had never previously played the game known as roulette, won $1 at the wheel. It always feels good to walk away from the table a winner, even when the winnings are a bit slim.

One cold afternoon, as the sun was in the process of setting, we witnessed thousands of sand hill cranes approach in tight flying formations from all directions, and gracefully descend from the sky to roost overnight. In the short time it took for the late November sky to turn colors and settle into dusk, the majestic cackling throng had wondrously transformed an ordinary farmer’s field into the world’s busiest air landing strip.

***

On Monday morning, following the shutdown, Lola and I hit the road to spend a few days with Bob and Linda. I have mentioned them before in these posts. Bob and I have been friends since high school. Through Bob, Lee and I met Linda. This was more than ten years ago. Lee and Linda simply clicked: They were sisters and best friends. And despite being separated by two states, we saw them regularly and spoke every week. Then Lee died.

On this occasion, as I was making the drive I thought, the road is familiar, but the journey feels different. Did the feeling have anything to do with the fact that less than 24 hours before I had been performing the post-Thanksgiving ritual with Robyn?

Among my closest friends, only Bob and Linda have actually met Robyn. One night, over dinner, they wanted to know whether I had introduced her to any of our mutual friends. I replied I had not, pointing out that several of our mutual friends are by nature quite judgmental, and I was not prepared to subject Robyn to their judgments.

I could see Linda nodding. Then she said that she understood me because she had felt that she was being scrutinized during her introductions to some of these same people. Importantly, she added that this feeling had not bothered her in the slightest since she did not care a whit what they thought of her. Linda’s words were reassuring, as Robyn previously had expressed something similar to me.

***

Like Lee, who died from cancer, my old and dear friend Bob has tasted this same awful disease, albeit in different flavors. I am concerned whether Linda, in her heart, believes that Bob’s long-range prospects for survival are any rosier than Lee’s turned out to be for her. For her sake, and mine, I sincerely hope that I am wrong. However, if not, then far be it from me to disabuse her when I have my own serious reservations.

***

My plan had been to return home today, but Bob and Linda ask me to stay one more night. I agree because, strangely, I feel like my presence is bringing them a little comfort, though I am not sure why this should be so.

The long drive home can wait one more day, I suppose. I am familiar with the trip, even if the journey itself seems destined to remain murky. And, in any case, I have seen that Lola the pup already has made herself feel right at home.

 

Categories: Uncategorized

About Gary Ravitz

In relevant part, my musings are for me. It’s one of the ways in which I process losing my sweetest. Of course, Lee didn’t want to die. She had fought like hell, but the relentless cancers kept coming: Skin cancers; breast cancer; head and neck cancer; colon cancer; and finally, the deadly pancreatic cancer. In June 2020, and only after being pressed hard by Lee, her oncologist opined that my wife had from two weeks to two months left to live, turned on her heels and nearly sprinted from the hospital room, never again to be seen or heard from by us. I promptly removed Lee from the hospital and brought her home. It was the right thing to do and I only wish I had acted sooner over “the best” medical advice to the contrary. In fact, my sweet wife only had nine days left to live. At the final, she embraced her own death with great courage and unfailing kindness. It was a truly remarkable display of grace and wondrous to behold. It was my great privilege and honor to be with her every step of the way. And now, it’s my privilege to be able to write a few words to you each week. In a nutshell, I believe every journey is unique, but, hopefully, to know that you do not have to walk it alone can also be reassuring. And, along the way, you might hear a bit more information about me.
Gary

Primary Sidebar

Footer

Quick Links

  • Home
  • Blog
  • Categories
  • Authors

SSI Network

  • Soaring Spirits International
  • Camp Widow
  • Resilience Center
  • Soaring Spirits Gala
  • Widowed Village
  • Widowed Pen Pal Program
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • YouTube

Contact Info

Soaring Spirits International
2828 Cochran St. #194
Simi Valley, CA 93065

Email: [email protected]

Phone: 877-671-4071

Soaring Spirits International is a 501(c)3 Corporation EIN#: 38-3787893. Soaring Spirits International provides resources with no endorsement implied.

Copyright © 2026 Widow's Voice. All Rights Reserved.