Last Sunday I turned 50 years old.

Nick and I had a big, outdoor party at our new home. It was a combination birthday / housewarming event. To keep things safe, we kept the invites to local friends and family, held it 90% outside, and basically did all we could to maintain safety precautions. There was still a part of me that was freaking out about having the party during what is still a pandemic, and turns out I had reason to freak out because a few days later, someone tested positive. While I cant really go into the details in a public forum, I will just say that its been a difficult week for a few reasons. Sorry to be vague, but sometimes the things that are stressing me out or on my mind are not things that are happening to me directly, but that are happening to people I love. And sometimes, those people do not wish to have their lives broadcasted online or in my blog posts, so I have to respect that.

So I turned 50, Im feeling thankful and loved and filled with deep thoughts about what Ive learned about life and loss in the past decade, but that will have to be another post for another time. RIght now my brain and my heart are too fried. Hopefully things will end up okay, but as we all know, the widowed brain always tries to convince us otherwise.