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Sunrise over Chamonix after running through the night

Posted on: July 27, 2021 | Posted by: Emma Pearson

Photos my own, taken in Chamonix, France.

Around the summer solstice this year, I was invited to write piece for “Like the Wind” magazine, founded by my friends Julie & Simon Freeman. Her “ask” was to write something running-related in.connection with the Sun. We had met them on a train in Switzerland in 2012 when Mike and I were heading (as they were also) to the SwissAlpine trail run. Julie has been one of the rare people who has been most skilled and gracious in supporting me these past years, despite not having been a Griefling herself until more recently.

I am posting this piece here now as I am currently away in the Pyrenees and don’t have access to internet, and yet want a piece of writing to pop up on my Tuesday slot. Today, 27th July, is Mike’s birthday. He would be 58.

I have a gazillion images in my mind, and photos in my Dropbox, of the sun rising while out in the mountains – but these images relate to walks, or the occasional “proper climb”. I have got up at 4h00 and 5h00 – even earlier – in myriad mountain huts, to make an early start. And I have seen the warm, pink glow of our beautiful sun inch its way across snowy and rocky peaks above valleys opposite, or high above me. Tantalising. Out of reach. Encouraging. Beckoning. “Keep going, Emma. It will be worth it”, I imagine her whispering.

But for runs? I haven’t been that kind of runner. My legs grew strong with Orienteering, which was almost invariably in the daytime. And short, especially if held at night-time. I’ve had 7h00 or 8h00 starts for longer summer trail runs, but it’s broad daylight by then.

Then my image, my memory, lands. Not so much while running, but just afterwards. About 6h45, one late August morning, in 2005, just after finishing my one and only CCC event (Courmayeur, Champex, Chamonix). Mike and I had three young kids at the time, and to do something like this involved enormous organisation and preparation. We knew it was “now or never”. We were fit. We had trained. We had even summitted the Mont Blanc earlier that summer. In one day. No sunrise on the top for us!

The sun set while we were savouring salty chicken bouillon and pasta in the “ravitaillement” tent in Champex. We had already been going for 9 hours since Courmayeur. Already tired yet only about half way through. Mike and I headed out into the night, into the woods (darker still), and carried on. Up, down, along, up, down, along. It was a long night. 9 hours of darkness. At last, the final stretch. Slowly and gently downhill now, from Argentière into Chamonix (not via Flegère, in those days – thank goodness). The end in sight, at least in our imagination – even if still a couple of hours away. Soles of my feet so tender, that I sensed each twig, every piece of gravel, on the muddy track.

And finally, after 18 hours and thirty-something minutes, we arrived. Together. Holding hands as we wobbled in. Not so many of us finishing then, though we still had over two hours grace before our race closed.

What now? Not ready just to head back to our rented chalet to relieve my parents who’d been looking after our young kids. Exhausted physically, but amped up emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Lingering in the moment, soaking up the feeling of accomplishment, of partnership, not just during all our training, but also the 18+ hour run, and the long night we had just experienced together.

And then the warm glow of the sun, reaching out to kiss and embrace the peaks high above us. Slowly, tentatively at first. Pink hues, barely perceptible. Flowing gently but steadily now, down the steep and rocky summits, as if a giant were peeling back an enormous tarpaulin. Watching this unfold. Mesmerised. Our sun. Our mountains. Our planet. The warmth of the sun filling our hearts and souls so fully we couldn’t tear ourselves away if we’d tried. Faster and faster now, the sun’s rays gained in confidence, extending out, encompassing everything within reach. The giant’s tarpaulin suddenly yanked down as if a simple sheet.

Another beautiful day rising in the Chamonix valley. But first, a long soak in the bath, and a couple of hours in bed.

Thank you, sun. Thank you, body.

And thank you, Mike. May you be running, lightly, nimbly, with the sunbeams across our heavenly kingdom.

 

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed Birthdays, Widowed by Illness, Multiple Losses, Uncategorized

About Emma Pearson

My life is a whirling mix of swishy strands, dark and glowing brightly, rough and silky smooth – all attempting to be seen, felt and integrated at once. Here are some of my themes.

I am British and now recently also French (because of Brexit), and I have lived in France for the past 21 years. I am 55 and sometimes feel to be an “older widow”, and yet I feel so young. I lost my best male friend Don to bowel cancer in September 2015, my brother Edward to glioblastoma in January 2016, my husband Mike to pancreatic cancer in April 2017, and my sweet youngest child, Julia, to grief-related suicide, in July 2019. And I met a new love (let’s call him Medjool, after my favourite kind of date), off one single meeting on a dating website. Our relationship has exploded into blossom as of June 2019.

I am widowed and I am in a new relationship. I have lost a best friend, a sweet brother, a beloved husband and a precious child, and I still have both parents who are alive and well. I live my days with my grief wrapped in love and my love wrapped in grief. I no longer even try to make sense of anything. I just hope to keep on loving and living for as long as I can, while grieving the losses of loves that are no longer breathing by my side.

I suspect my writing here will be a complex mish-mash of love and sorrow. I also write on http://www.widowingemptynests.com/.

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