Last Friday I packed Lola the pup off to the great north woods with my RV pals, Donna and Craig, who have a lake home where they will be spending the next few weeks. I myself will be on holiday for the next couple of weeks. The timing means that I will miss Lola’s 1st birthday on July 28, but I have promised to bring her a nice bone when we reunite next week. I am sure that between swimming in the lake and taking long walks in the woods with Donna, not to mention the interesting new dogs and other critters she is bound to meet along the way, Lola will hardly miss me.
Meanwhile, I plan to have an enjoyable holiday, but doing so unfortunately cuts into the time I typically devote to preparing these weekly posts. Oh, well, my tranquility demands this sacrifice. Hopefully you will excuse me for slacking.
Of course, in the end, no matter how much I enjoy my holiday, I know that grief is hiding like a tenacious vine among the summer roses. Stop to smell the flowers and you run the risk that without warning you will get entangled.
A case in point: In advance of my holiday I decided to meet with my accountant to discuss my 2020 tax return, whose filing I have extended. I have been getting extensions for many years, but while I usually am fully paid in it looks like I blew it this year due to an unexpected income windfall. My procrastination is likely to cost me. But I digress.
My 2020 tax year was fraught. The worst part is that it is the year in which Lee died. I do not know –or care one whit– if there will be a tax consequence associated with that event. However, the emotional consequences of losing her persist. When I mentioned to Craig how I cried down during the meeting with my accountant, he looked puzzled and demanded an explanation. He could not understand how a meeting concerning something as mundane and dry as calculating income taxes could bring anyone to tears who is not subject to IRS audit. I replied it has nothing to do with money or deductible expenses or even charitable contributions. The simple fact is the dry business of reviewing one’s tax picture had stirred in me the very feelings that I had experienced at the time I made the itemized expenditure then under review. Snippets of our shared memories, of objects and possessions gathered jointly over the years, so many happy occasions together, but also deeper meanings, substantive and real things about us, rush past in my mind’s eye, even as my accountant and I continue to handle our business.
It is something Craig apparently has not yet experienced first-hand in his life. But I suspect most everyone else who reads this blog has.
Now, it’s time to hit the road!
