So Im coming of the end of the week that was /is the 10 year death anniversary of Don Shepherd. Nick and I hosted a “Pay it Forward for Don Lasagna Dinner” at Clear Path for Veterans, where he cooked some of Don’s favorite foods for up to 50 veterans and their families. We shopped, […]
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Word of Mouth
At long last, shortly before Labor Day we will be hosting a celebration of Lee’s life here at Deer Tick Manor, where Lola the pup and I currently are spending several relaxing days. The guest list mainly consists of the folks whose email addresses we had gathered last summer around this same time, as we […]
Fly the Coop
There remains a lot going on in my life as I transition from my house of fourteen years to my new home. I have been between homes since the end of April; and though I am unsettled, I feel fairly calm. My new life is starting to take shape and this is exciting. It has been 4.7 years since I have really felt any type of warm anticipation about anything substantial. The feeling of hopeful anticipation about my future has been foreign to me in grief. Hope feels like the feels from another life I used to live. But, recently, hope reigns supreme for me. I guess this is what thawing from grief feels like. Slowly, I have worked to come back to life and I am more than ready to reap the benefits of my hard work.
That feeling …
It is 2 days away from July 13th – the one decade mark of Don Shepherd’s sudden death. Its hard to describe my emotions right now, in leading up to this day. Im saddened, reflective, grateful, pained, oddly connected in a new way, overwhelmed, and filled with an entire decade of the missing of everything […]
I Get By
An Open Letter to Friends and Family: So, dear friends and family, today is July 8, 2021, and I have made it through Year One relatively intact. I say it is relative because, as you well know, the seismic shift to my world that occurred when Lee died still reverberates. My world now is altered, […]
Fourth of July Regrets
So here we are, the 10 year death anniversary just over one week away, and still, after all these years, I am left with holes in my memory about the last few weeks of life with Don Shepherd in it. I still don’t know if that is just how trauma works. I dont know if […]
My First Anniversary
Tomorrow will mark exactly one year since Lee died from pancreatic cancer. When I first agreed to contribute to this site last February, I said that these weekly musings were mostly for me. The statement remains true as far as it goes, but today my words also are intended as a tribute to my wonderful […]
Grief Triggers Grief
Hello all. Another crazy busy weekend for me that included a memorial service and luncheon for the loss of a dear family friend, a Red Sox/Yankees game today with my husband at Fenway Park , (my team got clobbered) and me writing up yet another offer for us on another house we have fallen in […]
No Cause For Celebration
You say it’s your birthdayIt’s my birthday too, yeah…— “Birthday” by The Beatles (1968) All I can recall about my 69th birthday is that Lee was dying and that she would be dead a few days later. June 27th will mark my 70th birthday. It is supposed to be a milestone birthday. Among royalty it […]
Missing our Papa on Father’s Day
What happens on Father’s Day for the family whose Papa has passed on to another dimension? Is there a way to connect from afar? When my dad passed away in 1994 I wondered, with my siblings, how we could live in a world where he was missing. Each child whose father–or special person–has passed on […]
Your Touch (edited 2021)
Touch has helped bring me further present. It has helped reawaken me to the moment I am living in. Touch has resuscitated me in ways that nothing else can. Touch has given me the air I need when I was struggling to breath life back into myself. For me, touch has been healing in a new a different ways.
Touch has brought me back in touch with my humanness. I have allowed myself to acknowledged that I am still alive. And, because I draw breathe, my skin still hungers for the touch of another human being. Touch in and of itself is just that. It is not love, but it is something. And, sometimes a nebulous thing is really a big deal.
Fathers Day Blues
I always seem to get the blues on Fathers Day. I dont know why. My own father is alive and well (well, he is 75 and is having the beginnings of some memory loss issues and physical issues but he is here and right now, he is mostly okay), and a pretty incredible dad. And […]