I am making a move. I recently sold my house and I move out in exactly one month as I am typing this. My sense is that the Universe will acknowledge my willingness to move toward uncertainty. I believe that when we are ready, our lives unfold in proportion to our courage and our actions.
With this move, my life is finally going to take shape, I can feel it. Moving will not change my life, I realize this; but my attitude will. By moving, I have welcomed further change into my already unrecognizable life. I have actioned a plan that is both daunting and filled with uncertainty. Even though it is an enormous task, I followed through with my desire to sell my home when my youngest graduated. I did what I said I was planning to do and I am proud of myself for having the confidence to make this move happen. I have boldly actioned change and it feel so liberating.
My days are busy, I have been steadily selling and packing up my belongings. I am living in my house of 14 years surrounded by boxes. I am lovingly dismantling my life and boxing up my stuff. And, it surprises me, but I am not sad. I feel largely indifferent about this place because it is way past time for me to leave this house. It was a good home – for a time. I raised my sons here and now they are grown. They are 17 and 21. My sons are no longer the little boys who ran through the halls of this house.
I feel almost badly for admitting it, but I am disconnected to this house because, although the boys were raised here, there was also a divorce that happened under this roof. And, then, after Mike died, years of grief were housed in these same walls. I do not want to be here any longer because this house can’t hold the woman I am now that the previous seasons of my life are over. For me, it is no longer the home it once was. For the last few years, the walls of my house have been caging me. It has been very, very hard to remain in a place I’ve outgrown, but as a mother it was my job.
The stuff I am packing into boxes has also come to mean almost nothing to me too. Still, I lovingly put my things into cardboard boxes and carefully label the contents of each box. And, ironically, as I do this, I think to myself that if it all went up in flames I would hardly care. It isn’t because I’m uncaring or cold. I’m neither of these things; yet, none of my material stuff really matters to me anymore. It just doesn’t. Even Mike’s stuff means less and less to me as the years go on.
It is all only stuff. Material possessions have their place in time. What was once cherished can come to hold little value in a different moment in time. I have discovered that our belongings can stale date themselves over the years. As I am packing, I realize that I have outgrown almost everything I own. I do not feel attached to any of it. My stuff does not illicit joy for me anymore and I am only faintly a fan of any of it these days.
My worldly possessions feel heavy. They are housed in my home and chain me to a life that I no longer wish to participate in. I don’t give a shit about the stuff on my walls or the sofa across from me. It is all meaningless to me. What can it do for me? What does it do for anyone really?
Moving forward, I do not want things. What matters to me is the feel of things, not the actual things. I want to live a full and joy filled life that draws inspiration from experiences – not stuff. And, sure, it is true, I do like nice things; but material things do not fill my heart with happiness. In fact, my worldly possessions feel weighty to me. They feel like a burden to me. In the near future, I hope to travel and I do not want to have to worry about storing my things while I am gone. To me, more is less.
In my new life, I plan on seeking adventures and memories more than things. Living forward I will fill my life with experiences and I will not be decorating my surroundings with an assortment of pretty, expensive stuff. The time and place to build a home and play house is over for me. I have no interest in that type of activity anymore. In keeping, I’ve sold nearly all my furniture and a lot of my decor. It feels so freeing. I am shedding these mementos of the past in order to make room for my new life to unfold.
~Staci
