There is no reason a child should experience the heartache of losing a parent at a young age. I will never forget having to tell my kids that their daddy was gone. Less than one month after his death my daughter graduated preschool. I can’t even begin to explain how heartbreaking it was to have to sit there and watch her sing her songs and recite…
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A Letter to My Younger Self
Dear Younger Self, Today is the four year anniversary of that horrible day… and you are just beginning on this ride of horrors. I wish I could have been there at the beginning. From here, there is so much I can tell you about what you’ll be facing in the years ahead, and about what wondrous things will unfold, too. I wanted to take a moment to…
Strange New World
Thursday was my third wedding anniversary. This one felt slightly different to the previous two, however it was still as sad. The night before, I stayed at my boyfriend’s place and when we went to bed it all caught up with me. I couldn’t believe that this time three years ago I was spending the night with my bridesmaids, getting ready to…
Paper Bag
No idea what I want to say today. I am feeling so restless. Right this minute, this week, this year. In life. I have always been someone who knows what I want. Someone with specific goals and dreams, and a certain and roundabout way of getting there. I have always had a vision. Lately though, I’m having a lot of trouble seeing things.
Never Far
Death is never far from my mind. That probably resonates with plenty of other widowed people, as well as some who have suffered the passing of someone close to them. This past month, a friend of mine died, far too young. But my mom’s friend died too, which was very sad and perhaps unnecessary given the particular circumstances. Another extended…
Rhetorical Questions of the Night~
I ponder these questions in the darkness of my sleepless nights, not expecting any answers, but wondering, always, knowing I’m not alone in thinking these questions, and knowing, too, that any answers can take a lifetime~Where is Chuck? Is there an afterlife? How can I have believed so strongly in an afterlife of some sort, but, the…
I’m Not Made of Stone
Two years ago today, Megan was admitted to the hospital for the final time. Her rejection had already been diagnosed months before, and she was heading in for a yet another check-up and round of tests. Her dad was going to take her to the appointment, I was going to head to work, and she would be back in the evening. I carried her to the car…
Welcome Our New Writer Michelle Midgett
“It’s ok”. “What’s ok”? I replied. “Life, life will be ok”. This is the conversation that will always haunt me. This was the conversation my husband, Joey and I had the morning of his death. We were sitting in the car both frustrated with what now I realize is such minuscule issues. Had I known the truth of that day what would I of…
Changing the Walls
Yesterday, we painted a wall. To me, this was no ordinary wall, this was the last major wall in the downstairs of Mike’s house to change since Megan died. Now, when you look through the living room, dining and kitchen, all of it has a totally new color scheme from when she was living. Which leads me to talk about a very touchy aspect of…
A New Beginning
I’m at a strange and new phase in my grief. My third wedding anniversary is looming on Thursday (all of which I’ve had to mark without Dan, because he died before we had the chance to celebrate one together). This is a time that is usually difficult and emotional. However… my whole compass for what is ‘normal’ in this world without him has…
Things That Never Were
Last night I had a beautiful dream. We, my husband Don and I, were at my brother’ house in Massachusetts. My parents were there too, and my brother and his wife Jen were outside jumping on their brand new trampoline with their two kids, Brian and Jillian, and our daughter, Isabella. Jillian and Isabella were laughing as they were being twirled…
Voices Carrying
I met another widow. Well; scratch that: I learned a new friend of mine is a widow. She is someone I’ve seen around occasionally at parties, but finally connected with individually this past month or so. Her first husband was killed in an accident when they were very young; she had two babies at the time, one was two, the other only three months…