It’s been a tough few days, hasn’t it? For our country, I mean. If you’re already grieving, seeing the ugliness that seems to suddenly be everywhere…even if you refuse to watch the news…it can easily exacerbate what is already in your heart.It makes me miss my beloved husband even more. I used to feel safe with him next to me. …
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Spinning the Wheel and Moving Forward
I’ve followed a somewhat standard path in my adult years. Megan and I met in 2002, married and bought a house in 2005, and had Shelby in 2007. Notwithstanding her illness and the extra events associated with it, we had followed a fairly “textbook” sequence of events. We were effectively playing the “Game of Life”, spinning the…
I miss my someone
This week my sister turned 30. So we headed to Nashville to celebrate. It was an amazing trip. We had a blast. But as I looked around I noticed something I notice a lot, everyone with their “someone”. And it just makes me miss my someone. Over the course of this year I have become more comfortable being the single parent and the third wheel. It…
An Unwritten Chapter
Sometimes I take for granted how much Dan’s death affected me psychologically. I coast along, feeling like I’m doing ok and am happy, healthy and in control. Until, like a booby trap, something blows up and the trust issues, abandonment issues and general fear of getting close to people or losing control detonate and wreak havoc in my mind. I…
Fight Hate With Love
Orlando. Dallas. Alton Sterling. Philando Castile. So many others. So many lives. So much violence. So much racism. So much hate. Not enough listening. Not enough hearing. Not enough empathy. The words that follow here will not be ‘political” in nature, though I will be sharing my political opinions a bit. Despite this, I choose to see…
Life’s Surprises
Yesterday I accompanied some friends to what I thought was going to be a Fourth of July party at the beach here in Kona. When I arrived, the host, dressed in white with a beautiful lei, handed me a program…we were actually there for a surprise wedding! A few people, it turns out, had known, but I had no idea. I had only seen my friend with her…
Widowhood Confusion….What?
I’m certain that I’m not alone when I describe the confusion of widowhood. Not that many others in life don’t feel similar uncertainties as life changes happen. I guess it’s just that we, as widow/ers, have this sickening, stomach lurching rollercoaster thrown into the mix of our hearts and minds and souls as we face life alone. The…
On Top of Ole Smoky
Straddling the North Carolina- Tennessee border, Great Smoky Mountains National Park is a sea of lush forests, countless animals, and high mountains. It’s my favorite place on earth. I’ve been there countless times since I was young, and until Megan died, it had never been more than a few years since taking a trip there. I know the park…
My Husband’s Son
I will never forget the morning I had to tell my children their daddy was gone. My five year old daughter took it the hardest. She understood the words I was saying, although she couldn’t comprehend the true meaning of it she knew death meant he wasn’t coming home. My four year old son did not understand it at, his response was “Ok can I go…
Visiting A Past I Never Knew
I’m on the road as a write this. Somewhere just past Birmingham on the way to the Great Smoky mountains. Mike, Shelby and I have been on a long road trip from Ohio to Texas, and now we’re meandering back on a longer, more scenic route.We visited so many friends and family while in Texas, traveled all across the state from Dallas to Padre Island…
Breathing In and Breathing Out
I’m batting jet-lag to write my blog today, so I apologise in advance for any typos (or any more than usual!) and if I ramble on a bit. I got home to Brisbane, Australia on a red-eye flight from the USA this morning, after three weeks away. It was a wonderful holiday, with the highlight being Camp Widow West in San Diego, however I reeeeeally…
The Tsunami of July
We all have one. Well, those of us who are widowed people. And most likely, anyone who has lost someone they love dearly, to death. However, since I am a widowed person, I can only speak from the widowed lense, and I can tell you with 1000% accuracy, that we all have one. For me, it’s July. We all have our month on the calendar. That month that…