I hit a wall yesterday. Majorly. It was the first time in a long time that I’ve gotten serious anxiety to the point that I could barely hold it together. In fact, the last time I can remember having this feeling was that rainy night – which I wrote about here – when Mike and I drove the moving truck across the Texas state line on our way to…
Blog
Uniquely Familiar Story
We are oceans apart yet I already feel so close to you all. Support organisations for the widowed such as Soaring Spirits and Widows Voice become like a second family. Brothers and sisters in grief. Without having met any of you I feel comfortable in sharing my journey with you. I would like to say a big thank you, to not only soaring spirits…
Your Death Is a Pain In the Ass
Beyond the missing of you ….. Beyond the not having my best friend, my teammate, my lover, my all-things-in-life go-to person …… Beyond not having our future to look forward to, or our today to live ….. Beyond all of that, and above and in addition to all of that …. Quite Frankly …….. and let me be blunt …. Your death is a…
How Much Time?
I’m sitting here thinking about the fact that one of our writers here at Widow’s Voice, Rebecca, has decided to make that tough choice to leave our blog. Since I’ve been writing here, starting in May 2014, I’ve seen a few come and go, and part of me wonders how long I will be here. At what point do we feel it’s the right time to leave? Of course,…
A Moonlit Dance~
We danced under the moonlit, starlit, skies You and I Your right arm around my back, your left hand grasping mine. We turned and swayed and moved our feet not only to the music from the player but to the hushed beat of our two hearts.Under the starlit skies in our backyard. Everywhere and nowhere For no reason and every reason Our bodies moving so…
Gone Fishin’
It’s been almost three years since I last went fishing. THREE years. I couldn’t tell you all of the exact reasons why that’s the case, but I have some strong theories. There is the obvious period of time in there when Megan went into rejection, was admitted to the hospital, and ultimately lost her fight. It was the farthest thing from…
An out of the world gift
My wedding anniversary is not until the end of August. So I was very surprised this week when I received an email from my best friend with an anniversary present in it. My best friend CJ bought me a star. She said she wanted me to have it early enough to be able to find it. I have known CJ since we were in middle school. I was her maid of honor in…
One Way Rider
It’s incredible what a song can do. I was driving home tonight, emotions already welling up in me. Moving in with Mike is probably one of the most bittersweet things to happen in my life since Drew died. And I hate that. I was over at my place picking up a few things, walking around outside for a moment in the quiet of the evening, and a great…
My Goodbye Post
I found Soaring Spirits the day after my husband died from depression. I googled the term ‘suicide widow’ – reeling from shock that these strange words were now something I needed to make sense of. One of the links that I clicked contained the heart-felt words from a young widow named Melinda who had also lost her darling husband Sean to…
That Other Life
Does it ever stop? Does it ever really go away? That feeling. That longing, that comes out of nowhere. That thing where you are inside of a moment, even enjoying it and loving it, and then suddenly, seemingly out of the clear blue sky, that feeling, like you’ve swallowed a nail, just enters your stomach, like an invasion. Suddenly, while…
Leaving Stuff Behind
I’m finally back home in Kona. And honestly, it’s a little strange. I’ve been traveling more in the past year than the entire previous decade. And I’ve gotten kind of good at it. I’ve honed in on what I really need and where each item belongs in my baggage as I move from one place to the next. So being home really clarifies 1) how little…
Me…Sighing~
Tired. Exhausted. Done in. Over it. Finito. That pretty much describes me where I am right now. Not because of the grief, necessarily, though I guess it springs from the place inside of me where grief lives.Mostly it has to do with all the ugliness of the world at large, both domestically and globally, and all of that makes me miss my…