Widow's Voice

A Moonlit Dance~

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We danced under the moonlit, starlit, skies

You and I

Your right arm around my back, your left hand grasping mine.

We turned and swayed and moved our feet not only to the music from the player

but to the hushed beat of our two hearts.

Under the starlit skies in our backyard.

Everywhere and nowhere

For no reason and every reason

Our bodies moving so well together

Even when it looked like we were walking side by side

We were actually dancing

Because we were so in sync

You, on my right side because you had hearing loss in your right ear

I still keep my right hand free when I walk

Just in case

Maybe….maybe someday I’ll feel your hand take mine again

We moved and swayed together for 24 years

In passion, in motion, in love, in sync

That space on my right side?

There is a gaping emptiness there that is as tangible as your physical presence once was

And my physical body reaches towards that emptiness

Only to find air

And I think it just kind of remains suspended there

Not knowing where to go or how to go, differently

I don’t know how to go, differently.

But I move and I sway sometimes

 In my memory

Under moonlit skies I raise my hand to your shoulder and place my right hand in yours

Universes and stars and moonlit darkness gleam as our dance floor

And I spirit dance with you~

                                       http://widowsvoice.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/08/b976c7abe0e2744fb3e02fc4ce60527d.jpg

About Alison Miller

My beloved husband Chuck died while we were full timing on the road. We’d rented a condo for our stay in southern CA, and I had to leave 3 weeks after his death. All I knew at that time was that I had to find a way to continue traveling on my own, because settling down without him made me break into a cold sweat. I knew that the only place I’d find any connection to Chuck again was out on the roads we’d been traveling for our last 4 years together. I knew nobody out on the road, I knew grief was a great isolator, and I knew I had to change the way I traveled without him, to make it more emotionally bearable for me. So I bought a new car, had a shade of pink customized for it, bought a tiny trailer and painted the trim in pink, learned how to tow and camp, and set out alone. My anxiety was through the roof, and all I knew to trust was the Love that Chuck left behind for me. I found Soaring Spirits early on, thank god, and the connections I made through SS helped ground me to some extent. I needed to know that other widow/ers were out there in my world, because I felt so disoriented and dislocated. Through Soaring Spirits, as the miles added up, my rig taking me north, south, east and west, I found community. I found sanity…or at least I learned that if I was bat shit crazy, I was in good company, and realizing that ultimately saved my sanity. PinkMagic, my rig, is covered with hundreds of names of loved ones sent to me by my widowed community, and I know it isn’t visible to the naked eye, but I’ll let you in on a secret…she actually illuminates Love as I drive down the many roads in our country, and I can see it through my side view mirror. Love does, indeed, live on~

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