When you are a widow or widower, and you’re dating, It truthfully doesn’t matter how “good” you think things are going. There will always be some aspect of your new relationship that becomes amplified quite simply BECAUSE you are a widow/er. It may be a perceived slight in comparison to how your pror person treated a situation, or it may…
Blog
Runner Up
It finally happen, he said it. I have been seeing someone for 5 months now. And we are happy. He makes me happy. And is good to me and the kids. And after 5 months he said it. He will always feel like second place. My heart dropped. He said he knows deep down inside I wish I was with Joey. I remember when a friend of mine starting dating a…
Bleeding Out the Pain
Last week I shared about feeling like some new layers of my grief are beginning to thaw as we shifted the calendar into what is my 5th year on this journey. I was pretty teary the week before, but it wasn’t until this past week that the breakdown came. Quite honestly, I’m glad for it. It was such a release. I don’t even know why it came when…
Felt Like Goodbye
It took me a very long time and a lot of patience, before I finally found the perfect grief-counselor for me. At the time, about 8 months after my husband’s sudden death, I had already sifted through 4 counselors and therapists, one after another after another after another. Each one was either way too expensive, or they didnt “get me” at all, or…
Permanent Markers
After Mike died, the story of his stuff was an ongoing issue for a long time. His elder daughter and I cleared his closet a couple of months out because I had to make room for things being moved upstairs in preparation for renting out the downstairs. Then later that year, both girls spent several days with me dividing and clearing most of what was…
Appreciating a Disease’s Lessons
The other day I received a text message from a friend of mine, who happens to have Cystic Fibrosis herself. This friend was there for Megan and I when Megan was going through her 6 month decline, and I can’t describe enough how she (and her husband) went above and beyond for us. They would visit at the drop of a hat, when I just needed an…
Snow Days
It snowed this weekend in my part of the country. It snows every year here but it always shuts everything down. It’s a good time though. You get stuck in the house until you are brave enough to take the kids out and play in the snow. You play board games and bake cakes. It’s just a family time. It’s always been that way with our family. Joey would…
Here Comes the Sun
The new has been off to a rough start for me. It’s been that way ever since he died, but I think this new year has been heavier than last year even. I think it may very well be true what people say about year 5 being a hard milestone. That’s probably been part of what is going through me… as this will be the year I hit that milestone. I can…
In the Hell
I’m halfway through the 5 year mark since your death, sweet husband. I have been to hell and back, and then back around again, never really actually fully leaving. Its not possible to leave the Hell. Its just not possible. Because the hell, is that you died. You are dead. That will always be the Hell, no matter what I do, who Im…
A Choiceless Event
I was sitting on the couch at my parents’ house in Virginia this week thinking about Mike. Just wondering how things would be different for me now were he still alive. Imagining him sitting next to me, trying to recapture the feeling of being in the presence of his energy. So much changes for us in widowhood. Surely the hardest is losing that…
This Left-behind Love~
What do we do with left behind Love? How do we take what was an active, living Love, in life, And make it matter and make it count… In the after? After the death of that one, your person… The one you slept with and loved with and talked with, who knew you better than anyone, Whose death changed everything…What do you do with the many losses…
New Year’s Resolution
It’s 2017. This is the 35th time that my body has traveled around the sun on this little rock called earth. In those 35 trips, I’ve been witness and participant to milestones of education and career, love and marriage, childbirth and parenting, sickness, and death. I’ve seen friendships both grow and wither. I’ve evolved from a…