First, there was his text wishing me a happy new year, then a call. My nephew Kevin said he wanted to get together for dinner. He wondered if I would be interested dining at a dismal Chinese restaurant located in a suburban strip mall where his grandfather –my dad—liked to go for family occasions. I […]
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Reflections on Grief
From Toko-Pa Turner Gift from the new year — a single piece of paper with quotes about grief from Toko-Pa Turner’s book, Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home. There is nothing on the paper to say where it came from who typed it if it was a gift to me or . . . ??? I find […]
Channelling Spirits this Christmas
Image by Rob Wicks on Unsplash Today is my first “me day” in a fat week. I have had eight (mostly enjoyable, if also busy) continuous days of catering and making, shopping and cooking, organising and preparing, washing and folding, sweeping and wiping, loading and unloading, and even socialising. But today, I said, more to […]
Grief Is…a repost worth sharing
This week was the first anniversary of Tony’s death. Despite the strange time warp of grief, I have pulled us along into the second year. One hour, one day, one week, one month at a time. I imagine the road ahead is counted in years instead of the grains of time, but time will tell. […]
Peaceful New Year
New Years Eve and New Years Day is a loaded and complex time for a lot of people; and most likely especially for anyone who is grieving or going through a significant loss of any kind. The main word that comes to mind for me when I think about New Years Eve/Day is this: PRESSURE! […]
Observance Breeds Awareness
It seems like every day, week, and month there’s an official Awareness Observance for just about every thing under the sun. For instance, as I write we’re in the midst of Spiritual Literacy Month established in 1996 to encourage us to read books with spiritual themes, we are also currently in the middle of “It’s […]
A Thought on Suicide Prevention
I wanted to write about the way we talk about suicide deaths, especially around the prevention of suicide. I am not sure that I have anything new or insightful that has not already been said before, but I think as a suicide loss survivor, I should speak up about how it feels to me. When […]
On Becoming a Sentimental Slob
I used to think I was such an emotional tough guy. It is true, of course, that I had sobbed in my bed like a baby on the night my grandmother died, after displaying what I thought had been laudable stoicism upon learning the news of her death earlier that day. I was eight years […]
Regrouping After Trauma
Step By Step Professionals who write about trauma these days say that when a person experiences a trauma (small or large) it is important to allow the trauma to “keep moving through” our psyche. Last week I experienced a trauma that bumped into a bigger trauma that looms in my life—Death. Death was present in […]
Slightly Lighter
Image by Caleb Woods on Unsplash I survived another Christmas Day. Woohoo! I survived yet another Christmas Day. I am impressed. And of all of the above words, the word “survived” is the one that least fits. Because, for the first time in 9 Christmases, it didn’t feel like “survival”. It wasn’t exactly singing and […]
Our Second Christmas
This is our second Christmas without Tony but despite that, it was a first of sorts. For our first Christmas without him, I couldn’t bear the thought to be in town. I didn’t want to feel forced to participate in the merriment. The thought of his empty place and the looks of condolence at all […]
Ghosts of Widows Christmas Past
Last night, the husband Nick and I had his adult son Nicholas and his girlfriend Jessica over to the house for Christmas Eve. We exchanged gifts, and Nick made us a yummy dinner of pork loin, smashed potatoes, and roasted veggies which were very colorful and quite tasty. We chatted for awhile about everyday things, […]