Sometimes it seems that grief wipes out every feeling except despair. Nothing matters, no moment is free of sadness, food doesn’t taste good, family time is painful, memories are daggers to the heart, and life does not feel like a gift.But once in awhile a different feeling floats to the surface of the dark pool of loss. Maybe laughter at something…
young widow
Making Memories (and a few cookies too!)
It’s that time of year. The time when everything takes on a rosy glow (when you stop rushing around long enough to notice the glow….). The time of year when people smile a bit more, say nicer things to each other, and we are, for just a few days, the people we strive less successfully to be the rest of the year round: generous in thought and…
Running With Phil
My husband LOVED to run. When we first began dating, he was training for the Los Angeles Marathon. At the time I could not imagine why anyone in their right mind would purposely run 26.2 miles, but as a newly in love girl I willingly accompanied Phil on many training runs. The upside for me was that my job only entailed riding my bike alongside…
A Wary Merry Christmas
I spent last December 22nd in the emergency room, which isn’t necessarily an unusual place for an extremely pregnant woman to be. Unfortunately, I wasn’t there to deliver a bundle of joy but rather to find the source of the unrelenting headache that had kept Chris in bed for almost two days.Within an hour of arriving at the ER, my world started…
Happy Anniversary
December 23rd will mark the four year anniversary of our love eternal. We wrote our own vows, we rocked into each other the whole ceremony, we had a moment in time where all else melted away, we sealed our devotion with a kiss.It wasn’t about the dress, venue, gifts, or cake….it was simply about our love being personified.Nearly three years of…
life without a mirror
I had a dream that I found Jeff. I was so totally overjoyed and so excited that I attempted to jump into his arms. The shock and confusion, even hostility, that he looked at me with was horrifying. He didn’t recognize me. He didn’t know me anymore.He scooped up our little ones in a tight embrace and laughed at how they’ve grown and who they are.
Buoyancy
Buoyancy (defined) is the upward force that keeps things afloat. This force enables the object to float or at least seem lighter. “At least seem lighter…”I was thinking about Michele’s post from yesterday and this word kept sort of popping into my head. I have a number of people who help me stay afloat and I wouldn’t be here (or anywhere else for…
Widows Rock
Last week was a whirlwind of party planning, traveling, and meeting new people who have been touched by the work of Soaring Spirits…and this blog. I attended three of the four holiday events (sorry Austin, I so wanted to be there!) planned by some amazing women, and supported by fantastic sponsors from all walks of lifeI traveled up and down…
Counting
Day 42 I count …the days.I count to remind myself that I have only begun, that I am a newcomer to this kind of grief. I count the days to get me to the next one. Each time I count a day I tell myself that some day, when there are three or four numbers in that count, it will not hurt so deeply.I count the days to remind myself not to expect too…
Napping before the show….
I’m tired.I’ve miscalculated my energy for this month, which has equated to many a’naps.In the midst of the over-exertion and holiday bustle, I drained my tank with no one in sight to grab me some gas. It’s just a month of lots of everything!December 23rd will be our four year anniversary and December 27th will be my birthday…heck, and lets throw…
A Gift
My husband died less than one hour after being hit by a car on his bicycle. I arrived at the scene before the ambulance did, and stood at the foot of his bed in the emergency room as he took his last breath. I watched the color leave his face, and I recognized the moment when his spirit no longer inhabited his body. And I consider myself one of the…
I Believe in Fairy Tales
Michael’s my prince charming. He saved me from the poisoned apple, kissed me out of an eternal sleep, slayed the dragon, and swept me up into his safe arms. And as soon as I was swept up, I felt like he was pulled away from me.But, I still believe in fairy tales. It has been through my fellow widows; their stories, pictures, memories and…