Hi honey, It has been such a long time since I have written you a letter. In fact, my eyes are welling up now realizing that I talk to you all the time in my heart but those words are no longer committed to paper. Remember the letters I wrote to you every day for the first year? I spilled my frustrations, feelings, fears, and memories across every…
young widow
In the Box
So a little story… a story I love to tell 🙂 It was February 12th, 2009, and I decided to do something I had given up after Michael’s passing…create homemade Valentine’s Day cards. Making cards was one of my favorite things and with it being a dismal part of the year, I was secretly hoping it would lift my spirits. Michael used to love…
Every Choice
It’s a song day. I’ve loved this song for years, and it has applied to so many different times in my life when I’ve been faced with making a choice. Since becoming a widow, the idea of choice has been a constant theme in my life. At first just choosing to get out of bed was a conscious decision. As time has passed, it has become a choice to live my…
Saying Yes
As a parent, I have often found saying NO to be easier than saying YES. Over the years I have made a conscious effort to consider the questions my kids ask me before I blurt out a negative response. Many times I realize that the reason I say NO is that I don’t want to take the time to weigh the pros and cons of the request. I will confess that…
6 Words
I came across this article and video about “6 Word Memoirs” and how they put many people to test on what they would write. The history behind it was explained: “The six-word memoir is said to be rooted in a bet between Ernest Hemingway and a friend — supposedly, the author claimed he could write a short story in just six words. (He won with…
strength and surrender
These two words, strength and surrender, seem to be at odds with each other. Opposites. Separate. As a young widow, one of the phrases that I hear so often is “You’re so strong!” Throughout this journey, as many of you feel as well, I haven’t felt strong. I have often felt weak and lost. I have felt vulnerable and afraid. I have felt that I have…
Entering the New Year
Grief has changed my perception of time. Ever since Phil died I have found myself wondering each New Year’s Eve where the last year has gone, and some years wondering how I managed to survive the waves and sucker punches that grief delivered on a very regular basis throughout the previous year. And yet I have survived: one year, one month, one day,…
Lordy Lordy Look Who’s 40!
Forty and fabulous, for sure!! There is no doubt in my mind that this birthday may be one of the best ever for our wonderful Michele. I soooo wish I could be there, but if it is humanly possible to be there “in spirit” – I’m there.I had to change this post a little because of Michele’s post from yesterday. Her life in pictures is a great way to…
My Screensaver Moment
The other night as I was wrapping gifts in my office, I glanced up at my computer screen. My screen saver is a slide show of all the photos saved on my computer. Each new photo brought a smile to my face as the last few years of parties, milestones, and random poses of family and friends lit up my desktop. While the images of newborns and…
Daffodils
I am like the daffodils that are blooming in my back yard (yes they bloom 2x a year in LA. I thankfully bloom more often.)I crumble, letting the dirt and cold beat down on my brightness, making me floppy and weak, causing me to brown and shrivel. I go within too tired to care anymore. It is there I find the sustenance, the nutrients, all that I…
A Stocking Full of Memories
Last Christmas my family started incorporating Michael back into Christmas by filling a stocking full of gift-cards, gadgets and more that Michael would have loved….but I could use. It was heart warming to see them remember and bring to life some of his favorite things and places from memories passed.This year my family arrived and handed over…
Merry Memories
This Christmas the veil between where Phil is and where I am seems to be much thinner than in years past. Michelle and I once talked about the “feeling” of knowing our husbands were in the room.Michelle remarked that she wasn’t sure if knowing for sure that Daniel was right there would make her feel better or worse. If he were right next to you,…