So I checked out the uplifting song of Musical Monday, which I listened to several times last night…and it did inspire me and lift my spirits. Thanks Michele and I hope your are busy writing your next chapter right now! I am still suffering writer’s block. (I love this analogy). However, I am getting more comfortable with the idea that the future…
widowhood and moving forward
Musical Monday
Much of the music that spoke to me right after Phil’s death was important because the lyrics articulated feelings I was incapable of expressing. Even now, after writing countless words about my journey through the loss of my husband, there are times when nothing communicates my inner turmoil like the phrases penned by someone else. When I first…
Why?
Why: adv. For what purpose, reason, or cause; with what intention, justification, or motiveNow we know there are definitions, but in this case it is three letters that come together to become a word that has a way of haunting those of us who have felt cheated of a lifetime with our soul mates.”Why him?”, “Why me?”,”Why us?”, “Why so young?”, “Why…
Growing Pains
For Halloween this year each of my teenagers were occupied with their own pursuits. What used to be a kid focused holiday full of parental supervision, has become a mom on her own holiday hoping the kids are safe throughout the festive night. Though my boys were close by, I found myself sitting on the back of my car handing out candy at our Church…
growing up
In the first days after being widowed, I was much like a young child. Oblivious to the world around me. Completely in my own little realm – though not one of wonder but of grief and fear. My existence was confusing. I didn’t understand what had happened. I relied on others to care for me. To make sure I was fed, clothed, and essentially,…
I Can’t Make Up My Mind …. Part 2
Last week I wrote about my sons and the likeness each one has of Jim. I mentioned that I have let the boys go through Jim’s clothes. Well, I’ve decided that I can’t make up my mind about that, either. I want Jim’s clothes to do more than just sit in a closet. I think. I want the boys to be able to have something of their dad’s and to be able to…
Always Look on the Bright Side of Life…
So here I sit, 7 days til the anniversary. I am absolutely beyond swamped at work (could I have more meetings and more documents to review??) and overwhelmed with personal commitments as well – a funeral (no, they never stop, and they are always sad), two evening meetings, basketball, Halloween parties, homework, and that is just to get me to…
Ready or Not?
I loved being married. Knowing that I shared a commitment with my husband to face life together, come what may, was a daily comfort to me. I didn’t miss dating; I didn’t long for freedom; I didn’t feel limited; I didn’t fear slipping into complacency. Looking back, I even miss the hard work that was required to create a harmonious union. Phil and I…
Awkward
When I meet people for the first time I feel like I am keeping a secret from them. Looking at me, they would never guess what I am hiding. I can carry on an intelligent and interesting conversation without revealing the circumstance of which my new acquaintance is unaware. Depending on who they are I may even artfully dodge inquiries that would…
moving on, healing and getting over it
I’m sure that as widows, we have all heard these words in some form or other. “You’ll get over it one day.” “You’re young. You’ll move on.” “Time heals all wounds.” And the like. I remember the first time some well-meaning, naive person attempted to instill these words of ‘wisdom’ upon me. I think I wanted to drop them.The truth is that these silly…
A Lighter Shade of Blue ….
I, like Michelle, have not thought a lot about my future. It seems to be a very fuzzy grey fog out there somewhere (but hey, it used to be an inky black fog so here’s to the color getting lighter!). But recently, I have caught myself thinking about it. Even making a plan or two. And then I’ll realize what I’m doing and stop ….. and be amazed.The…
The Death Anniversary
There are lots of fun observations to be made about the picture above…let’s not go there 😉 What I love about this picture is that it reminds me of a great day on a great vacation with a great friend. I think I’ve said before that I sometimes have to remind myself of all the good things and make a list. It’s always a long list of good things, and…