I don’t do drugs of any kind. I rarely drink. Wine gives me headaches and makes me fall asleep, I think beer tastes like gasoline (not that I’ve ever consumed gasoline, but if I did, I know it would taste like beer), and I’m way too wimpy for hard liquor type-stuff. So, two and a half years ago, when life pushed me at 100 mph onto this…
widowed feelings
Recognizing the pain
I’ve been traveling a ton the past week and in the midst of that, found myself looking through notebooks filled with quotes and thoughts that have inspired my being. One in particular, stuck out this evening: “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” Whoa!If that isn’t poignant to the ebbs and flows of our lives as…
Crumb of Cake
Call me crazy, but I’m starting to feel like maybe I’m a little bit crazy. Is that crazy? Is it Nuts-ville Crazytown that I feel like I am more in love with my husband now, than ever before? That I would rather have one-way conversations with his spirit or soul, than put any real efforts into possibly finding a new partner who I could actually…
Life Does NOT Look ……
…… the way I expected it to look …… 6 years ago. Six years ago he was still alive. Although for only 14 more days, unbeknownst to any of us. Over the years, I remember looking at people I knew, who had lost their spouse, and wondering, “What were they thinking 24 hours before?” Seriously. I thought that. I wondered. I don’t…
Turning the Corner
So, it’s the day after Thanksgiving, and I write here on this blog each and every Friday. Except that I don’t. In actuality, in order for the blog to go live on Friday, midnight Pacific time, that means my writing deadline is 3 am on the East Coast, the night before Friday morning. Last night. Now you know all the ins- and -outs of the widowed…
Missing out
Last week one of the parents of a child I teach had a bit of a tantrum after school one day*. It seems her daughter missed out on having an iceblock with the rest of the class because she had been away the previous day. In her seething mother-rage, she shouted at me “It’s not FAIR that Cathy misses out on an iceblock. The rest of the class had…
I’ve Met The Most Amazing People ……
This is a post I wrote on my blog ten months after Jim died. I thought that I’d share it with you today. I don’t go back and read most of my posts. I don’t like re-visiting that “cave”. Especially those days where that cold, inky blackness totally engulfed me, filled every pore of my body and threatened to completely suffocate me. But once…
Too Busy
I have report cards due in the next few weeks. Work is hectic as we finish up assessing where the kids are at. Home is stressful as my own kids finish off assessments that their teacher need to assess (but DON’T get me started on teachers who allow assessments to be done at home in primary school and just how many parent’s are earning their…
When words are not enough
This Saturday marks 3 years since Jeremy took his last breath. How can that possibly be? Every year, I am in awe of how crazy it seems that so much time has passed, and yet how far away it seems when so much life has been lived in between. I have truly experienced more in the past 3 years than most people do in a lifetime. Since Jer died, I’ve…
Does my bum look big in this?*
This post is going to sound like an underhanded grab for compliments ….. but bear with me, it does relate to being widowed and it does ask a genuine question…. I took this selfie this morning on the way to work. We had a special breakfast in celebration of the Melbourne Cup – the race that stops the nation. (Trust me – it’s a BIG DEAL…
Goodbyes
“I hate goodbyes” Every time Dave and I would say goodbye for more than a day or so, we’d reenact this scene from Dumb and Dumber. I’m in the disorienting world of goodbyes again as I navigate the end to the first real relationship I’ve attempted since Dave died. Fortunately I have the most amazing friends who have helped keep me afloat but the…
A Really Bad Night ……
…… and day. I wrote this post for my blog yesterday. I don’t have the energy to write anything else at the moment. So you get to experience what I experienced. Buckle your seat belts. I’m staying in NY an extra day, though I’d much rather be on my way to Texas than sitting here, feeling what I’m feeling.Last night, at some time after midnight,…