Before Phil died I never questioned my ability to stand on my own two feet. Being in a relationship was something I loved, but I didn’t believe that living life as a pair was mandatory for achieving happiness. My husband was my partner and my friend, but we were definitely two individuals with our own opinions and preferences…that didn’t always…
widow
Why Me?
I will admit that I have uttered the phrase, “Why me?” on more than one occasion. I could follow that with the similar, “What did I do to deserve this?” or “Why is THAT person still alive while Phil is dead?” and a few others that are equally ugly. But the land of the ugly is where I resided for quite a while, and sometimes a place I still visit.
Happy 4th of July!
Today marks another holiday that truly puts into perspective just all that our husbands fought, loved and died for. I will not lie….Veteran’s Day, Memorial Day and 4th of July used to be holidays that seemed to melt together. Besides separate months, fireworks and parades, I truly never felt to full capacity what each really stood for and meant…
Death by Sunburn??
My (rather new) significant other is a geologist. A few months ago, he left (Martha’s Vineyard) for the desert West of Palm Springs CA to do field work. He called me each day, either before he left to do field work in the desert, or after he returned. All was well. I was, and am, bonkers over him. I enjoyed our telephone connection. We were a new…
Thus begun our Dance
It was a clear, sunny morning on July 2nd, 2005, not an ugly cloud in the sky. I got ready in a room with the women most pronounced in my life at that time. I was escorted by the 8 beautiful women of my bridal party through the hotel and across the country club in California. I stopped briefly at the white fence behind the gorgeous gazebo before…
Perspective ….
….. is in the eye of the beholder, is it not? This picture was from our last vacation. The last day of our last vacation to be exact. In June of 2007. Six months before Jim died. It was a “different” vacation for us. A different perspective. Only half of our children were able to go. The three girls were working that summer and could…
Chchchanges….
I’m meeting the moving company today to inventory my house and take the next step in the move from Houston back to Austin. It’s a big and quick change for us, and I’ve been forced to think a lot about life planning and what my intentions are both personally and professionally.Professionally this move is a good one for me, although I’m leaving…
What I Believe In
Before Phil died I could have easily created a long list of my personal beliefs. This list would have included ideas about both the tangible and the intangible; broad concepts and specific ideals; God and mortal beings. There would probably even have been a mention of death and eternity…but only in the abstract because my beliefs about death were…
Humbled
I did not want to be a widow. In fact, it is safe to say that I would have liked to be just about anything BUT a widow. It took a while for the reality to set in…I was a WIDOW. Ugh. That word, the dreaded title, the image of a shriveled up person with a love that died, the imagined black veil, the wedding ring that no longer meant married…I…
The Joy
John Clarke once said, “True love is the joy of life.” Now I don’t know John but after this past week I have to add on to these words of inspiration he probably spoke many years ago. Now as I personally know, true love is hands down numero uno in my joy book but the second greatest joy is being around others who have been touched by its graces.
Teens Taking up the Slack – Sweet Sixteen.
It is Anneke’s ‘Sweet Sixteen’ today. On the one hand, I can’t really believe this day has arrived and her father is still gone. Like somehow, at some point he should have walked in the front door and with little fanfare saying “I’m back.” It has been 8 plus years. She has been without him longer than she had him. I should know better…
Celebrating the Journey at Hole 8
This week is a big week for the widows in my life- the military widows of The American Widow Project. Wednesday, we had our first annual charity golf tournament for the organization. Each golf hole was dedicated to the soul mate of an AWP member. I spent the entire day on a golf course in North Carolina with about 120 supporters and 15 military…