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Nicole Hart

When Memories Fail Me

Posted on: September 3, 2009 | Posted by: Nicole Hart

I remember crying silent but painful tears in the back seat of someone’s car… we were running an errand for the memorial service and barely above a whisper, I asked, “What if I forget…” they too began to weep with me. Finally, they cleared their throat to answer, “You’ll always have your memories.” I find that statement less than accurate.

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Military Widowed, Widowed Suddenly

Our Mountain

Posted on: August 26, 2009 | Posted by: Nicole Hart

I remember when I was able to trust with everything in me. Trust God. Have faith. I knew I was blessed… Our lives were difficult, yes, but it was good. When the rug was pulled from under me I wasn’t sure if I was going to ever reach that place again. The place where faith was second nature and trusting was never a question. David and I used to…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Military Widowed, Widowed Suddenly

The Road Less Traveled.

Posted on: August 20, 2009 | Posted by: Nicole Hart

I had no clue what to blog about today. I’ve been processing many things the past few weeks… but no idea how to begin expressing any of it in words. This quote was read to me this morning… (thanks, WSM!) and I believe it helped me sum up my findings: “All of life is a journey. Which paths we take, what we look back on, and what we look…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Military Widowed, Widowed Suddenly

Wanting

Posted on: August 13, 2009 | Posted by: Nicole Hart

David is my best friend. And I say is because he’s still the one person that knows everything about me – good and bad. He’s still the one person I want to call when things go wrong, the one person I want to get advice from when I have decisions to make, and the one person I want a hug from when my heart is heavy. This week I really needed my best…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Military Widowed, Widowed Suddenly

The 3 Amigos

Posted on: August 6, 2009 | Posted by: Nicole Hart

After David died the quantity of my friends were seriously reduced. Most feared approaching me, most didn’t know what to say when they did… Some pretended like his death never happened. It was a filtering process. At first, the filtering process surprised me. I didn’t want to lose friends… especially those who knew David… but it was…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Community, Military Widowed, Widowed Suddenly

110 Carriage Place

Posted on: July 30, 2009 | Posted by: Nicole Hart

There’s something daunting about entering the place where your life last thrived. I know for a while now that I had to make a trip to Clarksville, TN, where David and I were stationed, but I chose not to dwell on the idea. To be honest, we’d be happy in a cardboard box so long as both of us fit in it, but Clarksville was never our favorite place to…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Military Widowed, Widowed Suddenly

A Thin Thread

Posted on: July 23, 2009 | Posted by: Nicole Hart

I’ve always felt like I related to this art piece made by my sister-in-law. It reminds me of pain. Of strength. Of holding on. Of hope. Do you ever feel like you’re hanging on by the thinnest thread? I had been running on empty for a while now… feeling dry and indifferent… Feeling like I had given everything that I had to give, leaving nothing…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions, Military Widowed, Widowed Suddenly

Thus begun our Dance

Posted on: July 1, 2009 | Posted by: Nicole Hart

It was a clear, sunny morning on July 2nd, 2005, not an ugly cloud in the sky. I got ready in a room with the women most pronounced in my life at that time. I was escorted by the 8 beautiful women of my bridal party through the hotel and across the country club in California. I stopped briefly at the white fence behind the gorgeous gazebo before…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Anniversaries, Military Widowed, Widowed Suddenly

Celebrating the Journey at Hole 8

Posted on: June 25, 2009 | Posted by: Nicole Hart

This week is a big week for the widows in my life- the military widows of The American Widow Project. Wednesday, we had our first annual charity golf tournament for the organization. Each golf hole was dedicated to the soul mate of an AWP member. I spent the entire day on a golf course in North Carolina with about 120 supporters and 15 military…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Military Widowed, Widowed Suddenly

Next Box.

Posted on: June 18, 2009 | Posted by: Nicole Hart

I’ve moved twice since David passed. Both moves necessary, emotional, and exhausting. I moved into this house 3 months ago. I had unopened boxes from both moves and at some point I just stopped unpacking. Those that remained were shoved into the guest bedroom with the door shut. From time to time I would consider opening the door and organizing the…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Military Widowed, Widowed Suddenly

A Journal Entry

Posted on: June 11, 2009 | Posted by: Nicole Hart

I’ve been glancing at David’s journal for the past week. It sits on a special bookshelf in our living room. I used to read it every night before my pathetic attempt at sleep but it’s been a while since I’ve opened the pages. This small, brown, soft leather journal is eminently special to me. His hands have touched every page of the tattered book,…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Military Widowed, Widowed Suddenly

To Survive…

Posted on: June 4, 2009 | Posted by: Nicole Hart

It feels as though it doesn’t take much to get me tired these days. I could be doing the same tasks I did before, only now, it takes everything out me. I’m exhausted to the core. Emotionally, I’m fine. Physically, I’m spent. I wonder if it’ll always be like this… If it’ll always take quadruple the strength to get through a day and all that it…

Categories: Widowed, Widowed and Healing, Military Widowed, Widowed Suddenly

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