Todaywasabeautiful day.I amhere.At day 365 not just standing but rooted grateful and joyful to take the next breath. The grief is not gone. Do not be fooled. It will lurk within me surface at unforgettable moments until I draw my last breath. But today T-O-D-A-Y I am grateful to Art. Grateful for the life we had together and grateful for all those…
widow
Your Final Moments
When I came across the excerpt below, it made me not only reflect on what may flash before my eyes in those final moments, but comforted me in knowing that what flashed before my husband’s eyes when that time came. A life he enjoyed watching. So here’s to us…and our journey to enjoy the ride, and when the time comes…our final…
Dating help from Jeff
I have realized through my recent, brief and unsuccessful foray into the world of widowed dating that I am most definitely not looking for Jeff. It is not that I am measuring how certain men stand up to the man that Jeff was. It’s that I am looking at them through not only my eyes, but Jeff’s as well.Yesterday, as I stood in line at the bank, I…
Time in a Bottle ….
I found myself thinking about time recently. About time with Jim. Past time. I thought that I wish I could have bottled up certain times in our life together so that I’d still have them. The bottles would sit up on the shelves along with our photo albums. Any time that I found myself missing him (and when did I not?) I could open up a bottle, take…
Time to Be
I had some time this weekend – me time. Me and Michele time if I’m completely truthful, but it was me time just the same. A couple of days with no cares in the world. This weekend it all came together. A sudden realization that the opportunity was there and so was the free airline ticket. The last minute recruitment of a fabulous Grandma to take…
I’m OK?
Today looked like this…. I got up. I laughed before the big toe of my left foot hit the floor. I left at 8:15 for an 8:30 class that was a 20 minute drive away. I drove giggling…my lateness, some things never change.I didn’t know anyone in the class. I didn’t feel like knowing anyone from the class. At the class, I didn’t eat the granola bar,…
Ain’t No Love
Ever since TT and I went to the David Gray concert, I’ve become more consumed in his lyrics and songs. This song is one of them (as it played we both looked at each other like “what is this?! I love it!”)I emailed it to a couple of my widow friends a few weeks back, telling them that the lyrics nailed down my life when I was disillusioned by…
turning tables
I’m sure that every widow/er has done it….Wondered if their spouse would have ‘managed’ had the tables been turned. Pondered over the differences that their loss would have created rather than their spouse’s.Jeff was known for his laughter…Would it have returned? Would he still be sleeping with our little ones tucked up in our bed each night,…
It’s No Longer the First Thing …..
…. that I think of in the morning. It occurred to me the other day …. that my first thought in the morning is no longer ….. “Jim is dead”. In fact, my first thought now isn’t even about Jim. This realization gives me mixed feelings. I feel happy that grief doesn’t occupy my every thought now. But I also feel sad …… that it doesn’t.I know…
Forty Years Ago Today
Forty years ago today you were born. I think angels must have been singing (or at least giggling) when they bestowed that gift on your parents. If only they’d known what trouble you would get into…they might have been better prepared! :)You: cracked open your brother’s head with a hoe (earned him a few stitches), pinched the dog’s nose with a…
Me and Betsey
I don’t do lawns. There are many jobs I have tackled to prove that I am a strong, capable woman, but lawn mowing has never been one of them. Growing up my brothers mowed the lawn, after I married my husband mowed the lawn, and after he died the lawn took on a life of its own. Because who the heck was going to mow it now??This was a very serious…
What Has Endured
Before my husband Phil died I could have easily created a long list of my personal beliefs. This list would have included ideas about both the tangible and the intangible; broad concepts and specific ideals; God and mortal beings. There would probably even have been a mention of death and eternity…but only in the abstract because my beliefs about…