…. is what I can sometimes be …. I think. Some people do not enjoy my honesty on my personal blog. I’ve learned to hold back on some things ….. things that will have an effect on those I love. Although sometimes holding back puts me in a very, very lonely place.I wish that I could just pour out every single feeling that comes my way when…
janine eggers
A Slow Fade ….
… is not what happens the day your soul mate dies. There’s nothing slow about the slamming shut of the door of your life. Your life as you knew it. Your “before” life. Your future as you dreamed it. The door slams shut. All light is snuffed out. Literally. You are thrust into a very, very dark, very cold place.No …. not slow at all. But…
Feeling Guilty ….
… for falling in love again? Ummmm …… not so much. I’ve heard and read a lot about this topic lately. I’ve seen what others have written about it. And I’ve seen quite a bit of guilt. Why? Why do we do that to ourselves?I use the word “we”, even though guilt is not an emotion that I am, or have, felt since I started dating again (after…
I Dreamed a Dream ….
I am happy. Finally, after what seems an eternity, I can say …. and mean …. those three words. After over 2 years of thinking that I would never be happy again. After over 2 years of wishing that I were there with him. After over 2 years of feeling that I was going to drown. I. Am. Happy. And yet ……….. there are still moments when a…
Moving Forward
…. is different from moving on. Moving on implies forgetting what is past. Moving forward is more difficult. It involves carrying the past with you while you walk forward one step at a time. Never forgetting, but continuing to breathe and live. Some days I can accomplish this. Some days I can’t. Some days the past feels too heavy to carry with…
Moving Forward … Not Moving On
…. is different from moving on. Moving on implies forgetting what is past. Moving forward is more difficult. It involves carrying the past with you while you walk forward one step at a time. Never forgetting, but continuing to breathe and live. Some days I can accomplish this. Some days I can’t. Some days the past feels too heavy to carry with…
You Get What You Get ….
I’ve come to realize something over the past several years. It’s about a variation of a sentence I’ve heard over and over again. And I would bet that most of you have heard it in the not-so-distant past. I have come to hate ….. no, abhor, this sentence ….. “I could never do that.” Or better yet, “God knew that I couldn’t handle something like…
It Should Have Been ……
…. our 27th anniversary. Friday. The 28th. It should have been. Instead, it was the day our oldest child/daughter graduated from graduate school. And I was with her. Just me. It should have been us. But it wasn’t. It was just me. Again.I get tired of it being just me. For everything. Every big day. Every “first day of ….” Every “last day…
In Every Cloud ….
…. there’s a silver lining. Or so they say. Who are “they” anyway? I’m guessing not anyone who lost their spouse. So …. is there a silver lining in all of this? Hmmmmm …. not really. Not yet?Although I guess maybe the changes in me could be considered a silver lining. I know that time is short and that I can’t take anything for granted.
We Missed Him …..
…. at this little girl’s (the one in purple) college graduation this weekend. Very much. But I didn’t cry. If you don’t count the night before. That was the toughest time. For me. He should have been there. These “big events” are both sweet …. and difficult. I never pictured doing them without him. Never. But it was good. We celebrated. We…
Dreaming ….
…. would be a much better thing if we could control it, wouldn’t it? ….. or would it? I’d love going to sleep each night if I knew that I could dream of Jim. I would choose to dream about him as much as possible.Good dreams. Dreams in which he’d be alive. Dreams in which our lives had never been altered …. or rather, ripped to shreds. But…
Floundering ….
…. in a sea of change. That’s the name of this picture I found on the internet and it describes me perfectly …. this week. I live in a sea of change. Sometimes it’s a peaceful sea, sometimes it’s choppy …. and sometimes it’s so full of storms and waves that it threatens to drown me. Thankfully those times are fewer than they used to be.I feel…