I’m sitting here, Sunday night, and watching the old Steven Spielberg film, Always. It’s one of those films we widowed people try to avoid, especially in the first year. I’m not in my first year, more like at 22 months, but who’s counting.This is one of those films that I remember enjoying, but never really thought to watch again. So, the details…
hope for widowed
Always
Easy
To put it simply…every action, every breath, every second of my life after Michael’s death was one thing and one thing only…hard. Okay, I should re-phrase….torture, painful, unbearable and hard to imagine surviving even a day. But an amazing thing happened today…like most things, it’s something I’ve noticed in passing since becoming a…
“where are you from?”
that’s a question i used to get asked a lot in my previous life, (you know, the one before my wife died)it was either preceded by, or sometimes followed by, “what do you do?” in my current life, it matters less where i’m from & what i do… what’s more important, especially to others like me (like us), are questions like, “what…
Healing Hurts Sometmes
When a friend is sick you hope they will get well soon. If you know someone who has cancer, you might pray fervently for them to be cured. After you’ve had surgery, a friend might call to tell you they hope you will heal quickly, but what about when someone dies. What do we wish then? After Phil’s death I feared getting better. I didn’t want to get…
Things That Made Me Cry …..
…. like this picture of Jim …. no longer make me cry. Well, the majority of the time. There are always “one of those days/weeks”, but they are few and far between now. Mostly.This realization occurred to me this past weekend. I was looking for a tote bag to use for my swim suit and towel and various other Fourth of July sundries. I happened…
11 years ago today….
Last night I tucked in G for a second time. He was struggling to sleep after a large plate of this yummy cake. I lay down next to him on the air mattress which has been his bed for the past few nights (we’re in the UK on vacation and staying with friends for the weekend). I pushed his hair back from his forehead and whispered to him the story of…
Visualizing Change
I just returned from a camping trip with my brother and his family. It was at one of those family RV resorts, where everyone is parked next to each other, row after row. There were activities galore all weekend long, and lots of happy couples, excited kids, proud grandparents, and me.Well, that’s how it felt most of the time. I’m sure that to…
Widow vs. Widow
She said “Well, at least you got to say good-bye.” Anger rises in me because I see her comment as one of those my-situation-is-worse-than-yours comments. Anger because she wants to beat me to the bottom, to claim more grief, more anger, more despondency than me.Anger because really? Do we have to have this conversation? I’ve had it before but…
All
Maximus and I take walks at night. I love looking up and feeling like I’m in a planetarium. For some reason, it’s also a moment I feel closest to Michael…and now Charlie.A couple of nights ago, as we were headed down Haleys Way Drive, with the song of a neighbors chimes blowing in the wind, I felt the need to note an overwhelming realization that…
Empty Beds and Summer Blooms
When we first moved into this big, wonderful house, we toiled and planted together in our many gardens. We were building something long-lasting, rich, sensual and vibrant. The flowers in our garden were breathtaking. Our plants were exotic. Butterflies were abundant. Every clod of dirt became a colony of life. We loved every lizard, flower,…
To be continued…..
This picture was taken in 2006 by me…you can see me in the reflection. The headstone is mine, it sits right next to Daniel’s on a hill in Ellinger Texas. It’s in the cemetery next to the church we were married in. I’m sure my family and friends thought I was nuts when I ordered two headstones for our double plot. What did I need a headstone for?…
Our Office
The past few weeks have been good. I’ve been getting our AWP offices ready and love all that that consists of. I’m in love with the space. I’m in love with the area. And I’m in love with the feelings and emotions that have come from making this step in life.I feel, more than ever, back in touch with me. The me Michael loves. The me I love. Memories…