Image by Whoislimos on Unsplash I spent some deeply touching moments, minutes, hours yesterday evening, during my shift at the hospice. We have a beautiful new resident. She is a true beauty. Glorious skin and hair. Luminous eyes. Not so many people who are nearing their final days are graced with such luxuriant beauty. She […]
Widowed
Peaceful Moments
I can’t really tell you why but after a tough few weeks, I’m feeling a little better. I don’t feel like a dam of emotions is ready to burst at any moment. The tears aren’t hiding just below the surface ready to erupt. Sometimes it’s easy to tell why we are riding a new wave […]
The Fine Art of Inoculation
I’ve been anxious about this fall season marking the one year anniversary when life as I’d known it for nearly 30 years profoundly changed with the swift and unexpected passing of my husband, Rich. I fully anticipated and understood that the period between early October and the 28th of this month would be a […]
Caring for Ourselves . . .
. . . an aid for all in trauma or grief The bad news is that trauma is a fact of life. The good news is it does not have to be a life sentence. […]
The Comfort – and Wisdom – of Denial
Main image by Quliyeva Efsane on Unsplash I have been reflecting on Denial. I realise that I have come to value, appreciate, love and respect Denial. Not as a blanket approach to life, but as a bit of a cosy corner to hide away in from time to time. Or even longer periods of […]
Missing Him Until My End
We grieve because we love and lost our person. Until I was grieving, I didn’t really understand the depths of my love and how much space is carved in my heart for Tony. This week I’ve been grappling with the realization that I will miss him for the rest of my life. It’s something I’ve […]
Who would’ve thunk it?
A lesson on asking for help. A common conversation among widowed folks is talking about what we miss after our person dies. What comes up first are the special things, the hugs, kisses, dancing, teasing, going to movies, traveling, watching TV together, playing cribbage or other games—the fun stuff we did together. Just being with […]
Alone
Image by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash I love David Whyte’s Poetry and Writings. I love David Whyte’s voice and the way he reads his Work. I love how he turns words over, how he massages formerly unnoticed meanings out of them. How he carves then places jewels in everyday words, so that you cannot help […]
Muscle Memory
Grilling and smoking is one of the things that Tony took the lead on during our marriage. I was a passive bystander at best. One time he put me in charge of watching some jalapeno poppers he was grilling while he ran down to help a neighbor. I managed to catch one on fire and […]
The Space in Between
. . . Mystery awake i wonder where are you now? feeling you is – for me – proof that somehow you still exist. arriving not at my will i wait i wonder waiting wondering is so hard. yet harder still is the mystery… the not-knowing. […]
Rougher and Smoother Grief Grooves
Main image by Leslie Cross on Unsplash. Other pictures my own. Last weekend, Medjool and I went to the Valais to enjoy a late summer weekend of mountain walking. The hotel and two nights’ accommodation had been generously booked and paid for by him months – possibly even a year – ago. Innocently and caringly […]
Helping Hands
I have had a heaviness about me for the last week or so. I’m not sure why. Grief is telling me he’s here and I’m just holding his weighted hand. It’s almost like a stalemate of sorts. Both of us accepting the other’s presence. As always there are reminders everywhere and maybe they just build […]