I can’t really tell you why but after a tough few weeks, I’m feeling a little better. I don’t feel like a dam of emotions is ready to burst at any moment. The tears aren’t hiding just below the surface ready to erupt.

Sometimes it’s easy to tell why we are riding a new wave of grief, other times it is not.

Today, I’m going to enjoy this moment of peace in my head. I don’t need to dwell on not feeling overwhelmed by it all.

This Thursday will mark 18 months since Tony died.

In the beginning, I remember marking the days and weeks since he passed. At some point I stopped counting the Tuesdays. Counting the weeks moved to months. I’d like to think I won’t always know when we mark each 6 months of time. But I don’t think I will.

October 20th marks 18 months since he died. October 21st is our middle son’s 11th birthday.

Those dates now exist in tandem for me.

So, I will probably always remember the 6-month marker of time.

I may need to give myself a little extra space on Thursday, but it isn’t Thursday yet. Today, I don’t have to carry that burden. Come Thursday, if the grief isn’t heavy, I don’t have to carry it.

There are plenty of days where the weight of it all expresses itself. I don’t need to force it today.

It’s a cool fall day, the sun is shining. I have a warm cup of coffee with a blanket and a fire going because my furnace didn’t turn on. But even that didn’t get me down, I called my HVAC company who installed the unit and he’s coming to check it out. I am almost glad I discovered the issue today before it’s actually frigid out.

I will sit in this peaceful place for as long as it lasts, enjoying the small things I can control.