I think about this from time to time. “The flame that burns Twice as bright burns half as long.” ― Lao Tzu, Te-Tao Ching In a number of ways, Mario’s flame really did burn twice as bright, and he certainly fulfilled the half as long part by only making it to age 47. One of […]
Widowed Memories
Wearing Green Again
Last Monday, should have been my 18th wedding anniversary. I had almost lost sight of its impending arrival. His death anniversary falls on Easter this year. Preparing for that had been taking up my extra grief mental load. In fact, when a friend texted me a few days before my anniversary to check in on […]
At night, alone.
I haven’t actually written poetry in decades, but for whatever reason, tonight, I felt this. It popped into my head and I simply typed it out. At night, alone, the quite hum, Computers and all things left undone, A spark, a life, a light gone from. No TV on, No bottles clank, Just memories from […]
Putting You to Rest
A repost! Lately, time has seemed to tick by so fast, mostly during these ‘ber’ months. Something this past weekend made me realize how quickly the twins are growing up and how it just feels like each month is slipping away, yet my mind still takes me back to those early months after Erik passed. […]
The Dreaded Week
Here we are yet again. Another year. Another death anniversary. As this week began, so did the replays. The replays of each day of this week leading up to Erik’s death. The replay of each detail. Each interaction. Each moment. My mind looking for something I might have missed. Running through the what-ifs. Looking, searching, […]
To my Erik,
In two weeks it will be three years since you took your last breath. So much has changed since you’ve been gone, yet sometimes it feels as if it was still just yesterday. I still very much feel as if I’m in survival mode. Each day I put on a brave face for the twins […]
Slideshow Selections
This is my last year having a kid in elementary school. Preparations have already begun for the year end celebration at the school. Our school hosts what they call the Fifth Grade Farewell. It’s a day of fun games and activities for the kids. At the end of the day, the kids, their teachers, and […]
The Dark Day
A repost as we head into March! As we have now entered the dark month I find myself significantly more anxious during my days, more than I have been for a while. I feel like I have been trying so hard to not live in the days of 2022 leading to that dark day. It […]
What is in the Fridge
Last week I ordered a new refrigerator to replace the one Tony, and I purchased when our oldest was a toddler. It’s just an appliance, but that fridge has moved with us and been in my kitchen for about 14 years. Over the weekend I cleaned behind and under the old one. I found reminders […]
Spay it Forward
Yesterday marked the one-year anniversary of my mother’s passing. On February 21st last year, I was on my way up north to what I’d hoped would be some quiet final moments with her as her condition had worsened and she’d been released to the care of my brother John’s family in New York State. But, […]
Eras, Part III
It’s kind of wild to think that I’ve lived in Oregon now for just 2 years shy of 20. It literally seems like last week that Mario and I left our apartment in Orange County, CA is our green, Kia Sportage with our computers and our cat. The moving truck had just picked up all […]
Recycling History
During her recent visit to Tucson, Robyn mentioned that she was scheduled to take a medical test once she returned home. She was upset by the prospect and visibly concerned. Thankfully, it seems she is okay. Of course, it’s natural to feel the way Robyn was feeling. The worry that comes with the suspense of […]