Last Monday, should have been my 18th wedding anniversary. I had almost lost sight of its impending arrival. His death anniversary falls on Easter this year. Preparing for that had been taking up my extra grief mental load. In fact, when a friend texted me a few days before my anniversary to check in on me, I wasn’t sure what she was talking about. It wasn’t till I looked at my calendar and realized she was talking about St. Patrick’s Day.
Most people are afraid to bring up the sad things, like they are going to make us upset by talking about it. Even though I hadn’t registered what she meant in the moment. I was still glad she brought this to the forefront of my attention. The timing of her inquiry gave me a few days to decide how I wanted to spend the day and adjust my schedules.
When a second friend reached out, I decided to take the day off work and institute a Forced Family Fun Day. The kids and I went to TopGolf with the 2 other families who reached out and had the day off for Spring Break.
It was nice to have an outing pre-planned. A reason to get up and shower. Time with the kids and friends to look forward to. I knew I did not want to sit home alone.
For as long as I can remember, I have loved St. Patrick’s Day. I know the Americanized version of it is silly, but that never stopped me from enjoying it. When we realized it would fall on a Saturday in 2007, I remember thinking well that could be fun.
The last 4 years have been hard. The holiday I once loved more than Christmas had the joy stripped away. This year I tried to take a small piece of that back. I planned an outing, put on a new green outfit, and felt okay for most of the day. It doesn’t mean every wedding anniversary from here on out will be a breeze, but I’ll take the easier days when they come.
