It’s Thanksgiving week in the US, and we are bombarded with messaging telling us how to feel. Well wishes telling us to be thankful, or to gather and enjoy each other. The first year, I was annoyed and angry. I wanted to scream when faced with messages of gratefulness. Do not tell me to be […]
Widowed Effect on Family/Friends
Birthday Grief
Each year Tony’s birthday seems to hit me differently. Some people say the first year after losing someone is a fog. I think it only looks that way in hindsight. The first year is an onslaught of pain; around every corner is a reminder, each turn of the calendar is a new first without. Looking […]
Parting
Yesterday, I got a bill from the lawyer who handles my estate plan. I have been tweaking this plan from time to time and still need to confirm the most recent changes. It is a simple plan, given I don’t have a wife or kids to consider, but I seem to spend undue time agonizing […]
Exploring What Might Help
Today I wish to offer three simple tools to help those of us who are having an especially “off” day. Three fresh ideas or strategies for your back pocket at the ready in advance of your need. Difficult days arrive out of nowhere for new widowed people, or long-time widowed people. […]
Bittersweet Reminiscence
Reminiscing is a blessing and a curse. The number of people who will ever know Tony is finite and that number will never be larger than it is today. I enjoy recounting stories with those who knew him well because we are usually sharing the memory. Even when I’m given the space, it’s harder to […]
“I want to give your kids the world.”
As the twins’ birthday trip nears I have found myself caught in a whirlwind of emotions. More so than normal. Any time I’m getting ready for a trip I find myself thinking of Erik more often than I already do. So why do I continue to do it? Because traveling also makes me feel closest […]
As the Seasons Change
A repost as we get into the holiday season! The reality of the seasons changing is hitting me a little differently this year. This past week we took our family photos for the upcoming season and it was the first true holiday photo session I had joined in with the twins since Erik’s passing. It […]
Good Medicine for the Widowed:
The Intentional Community of Soaring Spirits One of the best medicines for widowed people is other widowed people. In Soaring Spirits we have access to Regional Social Groups! These groups exist across the country and Internationally in Bermuda, Dublin, and York/North Yorkshire. Every group looks, and functions, in their own unique way. We have park […]
Frozen in Age
Earlier this week a few of my cousins had texted me about my birthday plans. I had completely forgotten that my birthday was coming up. I had been so focused on the twins and Erik’s birthday that I had forgotten that mine was the same month. Since Erik’s passing, I haven’t really been into celebrating […]
Some Days Are Worse Than Others
Just ask Alexander! A boy named Alexander had a lot to say about this: I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair and when I got out of bed this morning, I tripped on the skateboard and by mistake I dropped my sweater in the sink while […]
Finding Family
Reunions of any kind can stir up all kinds of thoughts and feelings – happiness, nostalgia, a desire to connect, and inevitably sadness due to the fact that reunions can remind us of those who are no longer here with us. My parents met in New Jersey – my mom a coal miner’s daughter […]
2800 A Day
On July 20th, I walked out of Michele Neff Hernandez’s keynote address at Camp Widow in San Diego to a text message indicating bad news back home. Thankfully, the text indicated my kids were okay. As I rode the escalator to a quieter part of the hotel my mind raced through scenarios of what the […]