Until last Saturday, I had never been to a Camp Widow event. I watched as a team of dedicated, compassionate and talented people created a space for the LGBTQ widowed. Held at the beautiful Los Angeles LGBTQ center, was the first ever event for my subgroup in the widowed population. If you’ve attended an event, […]
Widowed by Illness
Nothin’ but Love~
I frequently remind myself of Christina Rasmussen’s words…
You can do the impossible, because you have been through the unimaginable.
Quagmire
Sunshine and mild temperatures don’t mean that the worst is over…they simply mean that the weather that will floor you comes from the ground up.
Two Unlikely Companions
Boarding my plane to attend and present at the Soaring Spirits LGBTQ widowed event in Los Angeles this week and feeling more nervous than I have ever felt speaking. I have presented in front of audiences over 500 people about a variety of topics from penguins to being widowed. Broad range of topics but my […]
It’s in the Eyes~
Sometimes I torture myself by looking at pictures of myself when I was younger.
Not because getting older bothers me, but because it intrigues me to study them for how I looked before life disintegrated into a cloud of dust around me.
Over and Over Again. I Do…
I do.
Again, and over and over.
Even knowing that you would someday leave me.
Wandering~
I wander in and out of this life I live without Chuck.
Literally, of course, as I steer my pink car, towing my pink trailer, down roads and highways and byways,
Through cities and towns and tiny villages…
Fantasy, but…oh…Love~
Quite early on in this widowed life, as I went out on the road and realized that I didn’t recognize myself or my life in any way since the night of April 21… I remember thinking to myself…though it was more in the way of torturing myself…with the thought… What if Chuck were to come back to life? Would he recognize me? How could he possibly…
The Universe, Wherever I Am~
I spent last weekend, starting on Thursday, at a rally for people who own T@b trailers, as I do. My little rig has been my home on the road in the years since Chuck’s death. It’s tiny in every way, but still has a surprising amount of room inside of it, for me and for storage. I’m 5’1 and it gives me a little bit of clearance over my head. I can…
I Thought of You~
I thought of you last night. One night among all the thousands of nights that have passed since your hand last grasped mine, As we lay next to each other in the dark. I thought of your breath Your arms braced As you raised yourself above me, The passion in your eyes A mere reflection of mine. Our bodies sweaty and slick As we moved this way and…
Current State…Confusion~
I’ve reached a major point along this widowhood road. Arrived, so to speak. At least, in my mind, I have. I’m in the state of Confusion. And I’m kind of okay with it, in the midst of nothing being okay any longer. I’m not fighting any emotion that comes my way. Good, bad, indifferent and everything in between.I picture myself, at times, as one of…
My Time in a Bottle~
This is the eve of what the world celebrates as New Year’s. But, since Time has ceased to hold any meaning for me since Chuck’s death, I’ve taken it upon myself to designate my New Year as beginning on April 21; the anniversary of Chuck’s death. That’s the time when I reflect on whatever needs reflecting upon. It’s when I do a self-check, and it’s…