At home I have a big bathroom. Built and decorated by Mike. So big that it has two basins, each with a mirror above it. “His ‘n’ Hers”. Two basins are not common in European bathrooms. Houses don’t usually have the space. In between the basins and the mirrors, stuck to the wall with blu-tack, is a yellowing, curly-edged, typed piece of…
Widowed by Illness
Sublime and Surreal~
My brain and body…both are too tired to string together too many sentences. I say too tired, but it isn’t from tiredness really, as much as it is a whole lot of stimulation in the past few days. My mom used to say that stress happens with good and bad things both. That our body feels it as stress whatever it is. This has been good stress in the…
And So it Begins~
I’ve been sewing and gluing all day long. Tomorrow will be more of the same. On Thursday I’ll run last minute errands and then hitch my rig, PinkMagic, to my pink car. Very early Friday morning I’ll meet my film team and we’ll head first to Sedona AZ and then Zion Nat’l Park in Utah. The time has come, as the walrus said…This weekend my team and…
Raise Your Hand~
I thought about reposting my WV blog from 2015 for this week. Because I pretty much feel the same way, regarding the holidays. Except worse. As a 6 1/2 year veteran of this wid life, I kind of hate owning up to how difficult this all is for me still. I don’t want to scare those of you who are just stepping out onto the road. But I also feel the…
Not What you Think~
I wish I could post the meme here that had me snorting water through my nose I laughed so hard. Alas! I keep getting an error note, so I’ll have to describe it and you envision it for yourself, okay? The meme was 3 shrouded in black figures, riding one of the old timey merry go rounds. The kind made of metal, and you’d hang on desperately as…
Word Confusion~
We each define this widowed walk for ourselves, of course. The grief we carry is as individual as a thumb print, we’re told. Which makes sense, of course. For myself, I’ve never used the word lost to describe this grief. Being lost implies to me that I have a destination in mind. An end point. And I don’t.My words to describe this have been…
What Now?…
This blog is a question for the Universe, I suppose. Because I don’t believe that there is a human alive, who has gone through this widowed life, who would have a ready answer for me. I’ve stood in the middle of nowhere and cast my eyes up into azure blue skies… I’ve stood outside on the darkest of dark nights with no light pollution around and…
Ghostly Conversations~
Your blue eyes are entrancing… You say to me. I love casting my blue eyes across a room and catching your green-eyed glance. You are the Love of my life, Sunshine… You write to me on a card tucked into the flowers you gift me. I shine so brightly for you. You are always in my heart and I love you with all that I am… Your words on a card from…
If I Could~
If I could… These 6 1/2 years later than the day after your death that I never thought I’d survive… I would approach you hesitantly… I would rush into your arms… I would stand in wonder… I would stare disbelievingly at you… I would shake my head back and forth… No. Yes. Of course… It would feel so normal, seeing you standing in…
Wispy Love~
Whispers of you and I Echo in each pulse beat that brings life to my body. Reminders. Memories. Joy. Passion. So much Love. Each remembrance leads me into one room, then another. Each room crafted in the beauty of who we were, When you and I were a we. Shadowed corners that taunt me With your gone-ness. Your missing-ness. My emptiness. How is…
I Didn’t Die
So, Sarah wrote last week about my leaving for a work trip. It was the first time I have done so since we’ve met. Sure, I’ve left for a day or two here and there to go backpacking, but being required by my job to board a jet to Chicago for three days is, quite obviously, a bit more of a trigger for her. Especially when it’s a trigger…
This Confusing Afterlife~
It’s been 6 years and 5 months since Chuck died. I kind of feel like I need to put that identifier in so that anyone who reads this will have a gauge. Except that those newly living this widowed life might look at the time since and then read this blog and shudder. Or shrink back in dismay. Because….really? The confusion lasts that long? And I…