(I wrote this post on my blog Saturday night/Sunday morning. Saturday, the 28th, would have been our 28th wedding anniversary.) ….in infamy. Or at least in history. Our history. Son #2 graduated tonight. He did it. In spite of …. so much. He. Did. It. On this day. This once very happy day.This day that used to stand for love, commitment,…
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My New View of Death
Duality of vision. At least that’s what I’m calling it. As of May 4th last year, my way of looking at physical things has changed. For example, driving into my garage every day I see Maggie’s catcher’s mask she used to wear while playing softball. It hangs just inside the garage door right where I park the car. When I see that mask, I…
Alone Together
I just got off the phone with my good friend Dominic. We don’t talk to each other too often, maybe once a month, but when we do, I always feel so good. He lives up in the Bay Area, from where I moved from last year. We have been to many of the same places, and always have similar stories to share with each other. He’s originally from my new home…
Memorial Day
Memorial Day is a United States federal holiday observed on the last Monday of May. Formerly known as Decoration Day, which was first recorded to have been observed by Freedmen (freed enslaved southern blacks) in Charleston, South Carolina in 1865, at the Washington Race Course, to remember the fallen Union soldiers of the Civil War. The…
My Other Ring
About four months after Phil’s death, I returned to my nail salon for the first time since being widowed. As I sat in the chair trying to keep it together while idle chatter swirled around me, my manicurist looked up and asked if I was going to take off my rings. Absently I handed them to her (my engagement ring, my wedding ring, and Phil’s wedding…
Last Walk
***This was written 2 days ago*** Charlie… Charlie is more than a dog. Though my family had him since he was a puppy, in 2004 he came to live with me full-time. He became king. Always having been an outside dog, he was thrown into a world where he didn’t have to fight to get to the dog bowl and got to sleep among pillows and soft comforters. An…
if you were here
There are times that I torture/comfort myself thinking of all the things I would say or do if Jeff “came back”….or was at very least able to hear me. It’s a little game that hurts and heals simultaneously:If you were here, I’d slap you for not going to the doctor sooner. If you were here, I would curl up safe and warm in your arms. If you were…
in response to the old man in maryland.
the early worries, physical in nature, disappeared long ago. it’s impossible to know that she was born 7 weeks early, but now it’s the emotional that i most worry about. honesty is the route i’ve chosen with her, no stories, just facts, which (i believe) will be helpful later, but it doesn’t make now very easy. a few weeks ago…
On the Humor of Our Grieving …
…. and a paragraph about a dream. This is a post I wrote back in March of 2008, three months after Jim died. The kids and I traveled to Oklahoma, where Jim was born and where we both grew up. Well, he grew up in one part of Oklahoma, I grew up in another. Anyway, we went to the farm where Jim was raised for a very solemn purpose. We were…
Yes
I think for a long time I thought that I’d feel happiness through some sort of thick membrane – see it, sort of touch it, and even be able to experience it in a distant way, but I doubted I’d ever feel genuinely happy again. I was certain the lessons that life had taught me would keep me removed from true happiness – I just wouldn’t be able to let…
Bromance
Well, I’m dating. Okay, maybe I’m not really dating. I’m just not quite sure what to call it. It’s been awhile since I dated anyone, and, it’s been awhile since I have felt the need to qualify exactly what I am doing with another person. It’s kind of odd, going out with someone, talking, and texting several times throughout the week, wondering…
Every Sunday
(Written 2/2011) Every Sunday it happens. I go into my office to print out the grocery list. And find myself on the computer Searching for…… a distraction, a reason, a gift, something that will ease the unease.I read the past week’s posts of the other widows. I look at my emails. I answer the ones that don’t take much out of me. Finally, I…