the early worries,
physical in nature,
disappeared long ago.
it’s impossible to know
that she was born
7 weeks early,
but now it’s the emotional
that i most worry about.
honesty is the route
i’ve chosen with her,
no stories,
just facts,
which (i believe) will be
helpful later,
but it doesn’t make
now very easy.
a few weeks ago
(out of nowhere)
she said,
“my mommy died and now you are with me.”
a simplified understanding
for sure, but
an understanding.
i think it would
be easier to have
some sort of
happy explanation for
her, some sort of
hopeful narrative
drawn from centuries
of folklore,
but i’m a non-believer
and that means
that i don’t
have any mythology
to help her
interpret the world
around her.
just my version
of the truth, based
on science and experience.
it doesn’t mean
i’m right or wrong,
and it’s not a judgement
on how others
deal with their lives,
but it’s how
i’ve chosen to handle things.
and this?
consider it my treatise
for raising
my child.
oh.
and it’s my response
to the old man who,
after a talk i gave
(during which i discussed many things, including my lack of religion and how i choose to handle telling maddy about her mom),
stood in line
(ostensibly to get his book signed)
and said to maddy,
“do you want to know where your mommy really is?”
‘no!” she yelled
back at him.
i was ready to pounce,
not to tell him
he’s wrong,
(because i refuse to pass judgement on such things)
but to protect my daughter.
her response
made me think
that i should wait,
that i should let
her take care of things.
he tried again.
“leave me alone!” she
yelled back at him.
he persisted.
(this 3-year old can clearly handle herself)
but i stepped in
and politely told him
to go away.
i wanted to say
something far different,
but i bit my tongue.
my daughter’s response
though, had me worried
less about her
emotional state
than the mental
state of this old man.
i still signed
his book
(i even wrote something nice inside).
i looked over at
her and she
was happily playing with
her new pirate toys,
unfazed by what had
just happened.
obviously her response
to the man was
more about the fact
that she hadn’t
slept much over the
past few days
and that he was
interrupting her
playtime, but i can’t
help but think
i’m raising a fiercely
independent child
who will stick up
for her beliefs
(whatever they may eventually be, and even if they end up differing from mine).