“We’ve all had our struggles…” And that’s when I stop listening. For her to throw the death of my husband, the life that I lead trying (and failing most of the time) to keep my head above water, for her to lump me in with someone’s divorce, or hospital stay or job loss (well….job loss maybe), for her to insinuate that being a young…
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Cherish your friends
I wanted to take some time to just talk about my friends. These past few months have been some of the most changing and challenging months since Michael was first killed. The difference though, is I now have an unwavering support system.Michael always urged me to go out and make good girlfriends, but with my best friend being him, I never clicked…
Let it strengthen you
I have read a variety of quotes with a similar message. I think anyone who has dealt with trauma, loss or tragedy has come face-to-face with this choice. I also think that, at times, we have all chosen each one of the three options. I just hope that as we all get further from the moment that provoked this epiphany, we manage to choose to let this…
A typical day
I’m trying to keep us steady in this new normal…this Clayton’s normal…and there are some moments where I feel like we are OK, we three. We joke around. We talk about our day. We read and laugh and play. We do chores. We have a routine that ensures we joke and laugh and read and clean and play….….and I am the supreme leader with whom…
“What-Ifs ….
…. get us nowhere.” I’ll type it again. “What ifs get us nowhere.” That’s a direct quote. From my sixteen year old son.He texted that to me the other night, minutes after we’d had a heated exchange of words. He had said some things that I thought were beyond disrespectful. And I told him so. I also told that him that he would never, ever have…
To be continued…..
This picture was taken in 2006 by me…you can see me in the reflection. The headstone is mine, it sits right next to Daniel’s on a hill in Ellinger Texas. It’s in the cemetery next to the church we were married in. I’m sure my family and friends thought I was nuts when I ordered two headstones for our double plot. What did I need a headstone for?…
A Child’s Grief.
I’m writing this on Sunday, Father’s Day. I just returned from visiting my folks, about 2 hours away. It seems that whenever the kids and I visit our extended family, especially on holidays, we end up having a debriefing of our thoughts and emotions on the ride home. Before I start, let me share with you my own reactions to days such as this. I…
Father’s Day, Independence Day
So I was gonna try and ignore Father’s Day. It’s Father’s Day and my kids don’t have one. I was gonna just treat it like every other Sunday only….Well last time I tried to run from one of the “big” days, like his anniversary death date, like his birthday, like random days when his loss seems to be around every corner, I get slammed,…
Our Office
The past few weeks have been good. I’ve been getting our AWP offices ready and love all that that consists of. I’m in love with the space. I’m in love with the area. And I’m in love with the feelings and emotions that have come from making this step in life.I feel, more than ever, back in touch with me. The me Michael loves. The me I love. Memories…
i need more dreams
Written 6 months after Jeff’s death… A few weeks ago, I had a dream that I was standing on a bridge looking toward the sea where a fishing boat was coming. I started calling out to it. I was calling Jeff’s name. As it came closer, I could see Jeff standing on the bow waving to me. He jumped off the boat as it was about to go under the bridge and…
one more, just like us.
i met another one. this time, holding a baby just a few days past a month old. she was pregnant when her husband died.she was left in the place that so many of us have found ourselves. but i didn’t know that. not yet. … she smiled when we met, i smiled back, talking to her baby. then she told me. … i should be able to hide my…
There is a Huge Difference …..
…. between a battle and a war. Huge. But unfortunately, when you’re in a war …. there are many, many battles to fight. I am not sure what your beliefs are ….. I don’t think our differing beliefs will matter as I write this. At least I hope they won’t. I write to speak out …. to share my guts with you. All of you. And we all “get IT”…