Sex. I’ve been thinking about it lately. And I really miss it. I miss the animal-ness of having another sweaty body pressed down against mine, the sounds, the smell. I miss being openly desired, I miss teasing, I miss all the foreplay that comes before. I miss being sexy. I miss being a sensual woman. And I find myself unsure if I even know how…
Blog
Remembering
I was looking for the perfect quotation or saying for a friend going through her hero’s angel-versary and came across this excerpt. May you remember your love in the best of times and worst…and may your lives be enhanced through that action…As the four year mark creeps up on me, remembrance has been one thing to get me through the present.This…
give me a reason
In any tragedy, early loss or hard lesson, we look for a reason behind it. The “why”. Over the last three years I have searched for the explanation, or rationale, for Jeff’s death and all the aftermath of his loss. Not the reason written on his autopsy certificate or the coroner’s report. Something deeper. Something less concrete but still as…
one week from today.
i’m one week away from the day that my gift to madeline becomes something that people will publicly judge, both positively and negatively. some will praise the “story,” some will criticize the writing. some will find something to relate to and others will wonder how the hell i “did it.” i’m ready for all of that, but more than …
Purging ….
…. is rather a “loaded” word, is it not? Those of you who follow my blog or me on Facebook know that I have spent a lot of time over the last few weeks purging and organizing my home …. and my attic. I find that I get the urge to purge about 2 or 3 times a year, and when that urge hits …. I just go with it. Quickly. And I work like a…
Playing Cards
Sometimes when people learn that Maggie and I did not have any children together they say “Oh, that’s good.” Other times they say “Oh, that’s too bad.” Either way, it’s very odd to me that they feel the need to pass judgment on whether or not we have kids. It was just timing. Really! Just timing! Before Maggie’s diagnosis, we did…
Disappointment
I received an email from a friend today. She decided that she needed to be direct with me about the status of our friendship. She said that she doesn’t know how to be in a friendship with me anymore, and that she has felt this way ever since Michael died. She feels like any pain, loss, disappointment or loneliness that she has experienced in her…
Ugly and Forgiveness
This is post from March 26, 2010 I’ve been going back to find myself, to ground this experience, to find a way to mark the growth, the good changes and all the challenges I have overcome. I’m been going back to find courage. This is what the post said. ——-“He’s in our thoughts and prayers.” “We are sending a blanket of love.” Those…
Me
I’m introspective. You can still find me wandering the “Self-Help” aisles at a bookstore to find things to challenge my being and better my soul. Like art, all I took and take from those paperbacks is interpreted differently to me than others…and hell, I’m as flawed as a clearance item at a “Ross” store, so in seeing that each life…or in Ross…
rerecord
Sometimes this whole ‘widow’ thing gets old. Like the chorus of an unhappy song that gets stuck in your head and keeps you awake. Over and over the words repeat singing those same lines again and again. You try to not pay attention. Try to forget the words. Try to listen to a new song. But your little brain has it so deeply embedded it can’t be…
march 24th.
i made the decisionto carry on atradition that i startedin 2009…to take mymaddy on a tripfar away from everything, to ensure thatthe focus be onher and herbirthday, rather than the day that follows. i’m happy to say, i succeeded. (i’m one lucky dad).
Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Go Back in the Water …..
… another wave comes and smacks you from behind ….. I love the ocean. Always have. Jim did, too. We were a “beach family”. Loved taking vacations to a beach …. any beach. Even the one in Galveston ….. where the word “beach” has a whole different definition. But hey, when it’s the only beach you have within an hour’s drive or so,…